Fragments
by LostInLost18
Summary: One-shots/missing scenes collection. Chapter 44 - "All I need you to promise me, Stefan, is that no matter how bleak you feel life gets, no matter how unbearable you feel your life is, I want you to keep fighting." Stefan and Lexi cement their bond.
1. Responsibility

_Fragments_

_#1 Responsibility_

**Summary: **Jeremy realizes what he stands to lose if he loses Elena.  
**Spoilers for: **2x07 Masquerade Ball  
**Characters featured: **Jeremy, Elena, Bonnie. Mentions of the Gilberts.  
**Extract: **_He sees himself losing her, and he doesn't like it.  
_**A/n: **Always loved the relationship between Elena and Jeremy. I value the whole 'family' thing in shows, and the fact they've bonded a bit in this latest season has thrilled me. These drabbles are about everyone in Vampire Diaries, so enjoy!

X-X-X

He sees her bent double; crippled with agony; a great crimson patch spreading across her purple shirt, and he panics.

The last member of his family he was ever close to, the last person to ever get his back _{whether he liked it or not} _is bleeding profusely, and he can't help but remain fixed to the spot in horror. He sees himself losing her, and he doesn't like it. In fact, it is so damn painful just to think about it.

She's crying out with pain _(he can make out the words 'it hurts, it hurts)___and Bonnie is yelling instructions at him. He vaguely notices the fact he's now running, his mind preoccupied with words his parents bestowed upon him.

_She's your sister, Jeremy. She'll need you someday, and you've got to be the best brother you can be. Age doesn't matter when it comes to having responsibility over something, someone - you've just got to be able to handle it._

He's not handling it though.

He's thinking about how screwed up a brother he actually is.


	2. Broken

_#2 _

_Broken_

**Summary:** Caroline reflects on her broken relationship with her mother, before accepting maybe she was not meant to have normality in her life.  
**Spoilers for: **2x06 Plan B.  
**Characters featured:** Caroline, Liz, mentions of Matt and Bonnie.  
**Extract**: _Her life now is littered with broken shards of glass. She tries to glide over it… but each shard ends up digging into her flesh sooner or later. _

X-X-X

She stares at the sleeping figure of her mother, even though she promised Elena she'd stay put.

It's the most peaceful she's ever seen her.

She tries to work out why they've always locked horns, why their stubborn, erratic personalities never managed to rub along. She tries to fool the world into thinking she's ok, that she'll be strong like she's always had to be, but she's fooling no one.

Least of all herself.

Her break up with Matt, the decision to erase her mother's memory _(despite the fact she knows they'll never have a moment like that ever again)_, the friction between her and Bonnie, all tell her she's not meant to have normality in her life, not even a little bit. If she was, she would've been able to keep those people in her life, as something more than the strangers they've become.

Her life is now littered with broken shards of glass. She tries to glide over it, act like they don't hurt when she approaches them, but each shard ends up digging into her flesh sooner or later.

Each one is a constant reminder that her life will always be broken.

And she hates it.


	3. Blessed

_#3_

_Blessed_

**Summary: **Bonnie's reaction to finding out she's a witch.  
**Characters featured:** Bonnie, mentions of Elena.  
**Spoilers for: **Nothing, unless you've dozed through all of season one in which case why are you here? Lol.  
**Extract:** _It should feel like a curse, being what she is….It doesn't; it feels like a blessing, a blessing she intends to embrace.  
_**A/n: **Big thanks to my two reviewers! Glad you like my little drabbles. Next one will be Damon orientated, in some way.

She can no longer ignore what she is, what she can do.

It feels like something out of a book, or one of those really bad movies, the ones which portray witches as hags and miserable, quite demented creatures, and she kind of likes that her life has that little bit of fiction to it.

Fiction which shouldn't exist anywhere else but in literature.

All her nerves stand on end whenever she casts a spell, and it's a weird kind of exhilaration. She's often been Elena's sidekick, her companion, someone who never normally takes centre stage, and, for a while, she's accepted that's all she'll ever be.

But now…it's all different.

It should feel like a curse, being what she is - she might be a dunce in history, but that doesn't mean she's unaware of what generally happened to women suspected of being witches - but it doesn't; it feels like a blessing, a blessing she intends to embrace.

For a brief moment, time stands still. She abandons reality, and loses herself in the utter fascination of her powers, a feeling which quickly consumes her.

The moment passes, as moments generally do, and she quickly settles back into student-come-best friend mode, inwardly squealing at the thought of telling - or rather revealing - her secret to her best friend.

She has the best of both worlds - and she loves it.


	4. Love

_# Love_

**Summary:** Damon's thoughts as he leaves Elena's rooms after declaring his love for her.  
**Spoilers for:** 2x08 'Rose'.  
**Characters featured:** Damon, with mentions of Elena and Katherine.  
**Extract:** _The pain of it makes Katherine's betrayal seem like a mere nip on the skin, something easily brushed off. This, however, he cannot brush off, no matter how hard he tries. _

X-X-X

He feels something slide down his skin, just underneath his eyelids.

He looks upwards, at the now indigo sky, wondering where the rest of the rain is, why this lone drop has trickled its way to his chin without cause or reason.

With one finger, he lifts the drop, examines it underneath the moonlight and traces its path to his eyes. And the only explanation he can come up with seems silly, illogical even. He doesn't cry – ever. He prides himself on being the one who can watch emotional displays with dry eyes, the one who can walk away from anything like it all doesn't matter.

But walking away from this, from _her_, is the hardest thing he's ever had to do.

The pain of it makes Katherine's betrayal seem like a mere nip on the skin, something easily brushed off. This, however, he cannot brush off, no matter how hard he tries.

And the best thing he ever could've done for her was to compel her to forget.

She doesn't need to remember that, to be tortured by it.

And, honestly, he doesn't want to know how she would've responded had he not compelled her to forget.

He has a feeling whatever she would've said would've killed him.


	5. Vulnerable

_#5_

_Vulnerable_

**Summary: **Rose endures a moment of guilt as Elena shows her fear for the first time.  
**Spoilers for:** 2x08 'Rose'.  
**Characters featured:** Rose, Elena, Elijah.  
**Extract:** _She sees genuine fear in the girl's eyes, and that's when the guilt surfaces. _  
**A/N:** This episode is a goldmine of little moments waiting to be turned into drabbles lol. I really like Rose so far, I don't know about you, and Elijah seems majorly cool. Also, big thank you to my two faithful reviewers! If there are any moments you'd like me to write about, let me know!

X-X-X

_"Please don't let him take me…"_

She stands there, desperate to blend into the shadows along the walls, hoping against hope Elijah will stick to his word. She's never sure though.

She originally had no guilt in handing the girl over, thinking the apple – in this case, the doppelganger – wouldn't fall far of the tree. But the girl seems to be genuinely afraid, an emotion Katherine always played down very well, and she doesn't seem remotely interested in hiding it.

The girl's voice shakes as she pleads towards _her_, of all people, to save her. She doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, but she feels something for this girl, a strong pull, a strong desire to help her.

But freedom beckons, and this girl is a stranger to her – she knows what she'll end up picking.

She sees genuine fear in the girl's eyes, and that's when the guilt surfaces.

Once the girl is gone, she knows those words will stay with her for a while, reminding her that her freedom came at the cost of a girl's life.

"_Please don't let him take me…"_


	6. Outside

_#6_

_Outside_

**Summary: **A look at what Caroline meant in 1x16 about being everyone's 'second best'.  
**Spoilers for: **1x16, 'There Goes the Neighbourhood.'  
**Characters featured: **Caroline, with mentions of Elena and Bonnie and Matt.  
**Extract:** _Sometimes, she feels as if she's on the outside looking in, like having an out-of-body experience, and she realizes somewhere along the way the desire to have things became the need to have things._

X-X-X

Caroline Forbes isn't perfect. Yeah, she got that.

She's also impulsive, a little selfish, and neurotic, someone you can't trust with a secret if your life depended on it, someone who doesn't always think before she opens her mouth. She's a bitch, in other words.

But, lately, she's felt so desperate to change all that, to fit in somewhere and be loved, not just because of all the negative traits she possesses, but also in spite of them. She wants to be someone's first choice, not their second best.

And, for a while, being with Matt had been all that. He'd not spoken about Elena, not brought up the dregs of his unrequited love for her in any shape or form, and she'd appreciated - and, secretly, loved - him for it.

Yet all of today he'd been shying away from her, frightened by the idea of putting away his feelings for Elena for good. And she feels like she's his back up, someone who will throw her away so easily the moment Elena shows a bit of interest.

She may be a bitch sometimes, but she's still a girl, someone who can cry and hurt behind closed or doors when nobody's judgemental eyes are cast on her.

It's not just Matt as well. She feels like Elena only calls her, only speaks to her, because of their history, not their present; because they were friends, not because they are friends. She's fighting to keep her, Elena and Bonnie tight together…She's just not sure if they are anymore.

Sometimes, she feels as if she's on the outside looking in, like having an out-of-body experience, and she realizes somewhere along the way the desire to have things became the need to have things.

And, now, she realizes she has something to prove.

She's worth keeping in people's lives.


	7. Ignorance

_#7 _

_Ignorance_

**Summary:** Matt is surprisingly observant about his own ignorance…or, rather, what he's ignorant about.  
**Spoilers for:** No episode specifically but touches upon events in season 2.  
**Characters featured: **Matt, with mentions of Elena, Caroline and Vicky.  
**Extract:**_ They say ignorance is bliss; in his case, ignorance is a curse, because his intelligent levels aren't that below the unintelligent line that he can't figure out it's more than just drama which is keeping him and Caroline apart.  
_**A.n:** Thank you everyone who has reviewed! Your positive feedback has been brilliant, therefore I think you should keep on doing it! Lol. :)

X-X-X

Work, he finds, helps keep his mind off things - specifically his decision to break things off with Caroline.

He often watches her from afar, just making sure she's ok, that she's coping. He finds it strange that she is, that she seems more…confident, somehow. And when their eyes lock on each other's, he holds the stare longer than he should, trying to figure her out.

It wasn't just her drama he couldn't cope with. She plays things close to the vest nowadays, and her behaviour - her frenzied, almost erratic behaviour - reminds him too much of Vicky. Sometimes it scares him how much she's turning into Vicky without realizing it. The drama, the sudden bouts of irritation, the irrational jealousy…Yeah, he's seen all that before.

He let her believe he broke up with her because he was angry with her, angry that it was her neurotic behaviour which drove them apart. It's not. He's just terrified she'll end up like Vicky - six feet under the ground, in a crudely made makeshift grave. He doesn't want that for her.

Yet he can't shake the feeling off that she's hiding something from him - something big. And it's not just her, but Elena as well. The women in his life have a tendency of being too damn cryptic for their own good.

They say ignorance is bliss; in his case, ignorance is a curse, because his intelligent levels aren't that below the unintelligent line that he can't figure out it's more than just drama which is keeping him and Caroline apart.

He just wishes he could know what it is.


	8. Sacrifice

_#8 _

_Sacrifice_

**Summary: **Damon and Stefan reflect on the change that's come over Elena after the revelations in 'Katerina'.  
**Spoilers for:** 2x09 and the promo for 2x10.  
**Characters featured:** Damon, Stefan and Elena.  
**Extract: **_It frightens them, how self-sacrificing she's become…_

X-X-X

They talk over each other, each trying to explain to a frighteningly calm Elena how they can save her life; the emphasis, of course, being on _saving her life._

She lets them talk, let's them hash out their plan to her – maybe it's just him, but the oldest Salvatore detects some scepticism in her eyes, like she's already decided to dismiss the idea – before she drops the bombshell on them that she doesn't want to be saved. Not anymore.

The brothers exchanged a stunned glance, not sure what to think or even what to say. _(How do you react to something like that?)_

It frightens them, how self-sacrificing she's become. It's admirable she wants to protect the people she loves, wants to prevent them from getting hurt or worse, but what she probably doesn't realize is that sacrifice is a two sided thing.

She has to be willing to give up her life – and they have to be willing to let her go.

But they both love her too much to let her go, let her walk right out of their lives to somewhere they can't follow.

It's Elena - they were never going to _not_ save her life.

And she's stupid if she thinks that will ever change.


	9. Dance

_# 9_

_Dance_

**Summary: **_It was hell watching you dance with her._Damon's thoughts during the dancing scene in 1x19.  
**Spoilers for:** 1x19, containing easily one of my favourite Damon/Elena moments  
**Characters featured:** Damon, Elena, with mentions of Stefan and Katherine.  
**Extract:** _He thinks he might be falling for her._

X-X-X

_It was hell watching you dance with her._

Those words fill his mind, remembering how he'd told Stefan, in his first case of open honesty, about how watching him dance with Katherine had been hell for him. It had been. Seeing his arms locked around her waist, their eyes on each other's, had almost killed him inside. It'd been hell, seeing the girl he loved fall for someone else.

Honestly, he's quite disappointed at Stefan's disappearance. He would've liked to have seen him watch this moment, if not out of a petty sort of revenge but because he's genuinely curious as to how he would react.

He waltzes Elena around the room, quite taken in by her smile. It's a cautious, half surprised smile, as if she can't believe she's actually dancing with him. He smiles back, unable to take his eyes off of her.

The world sort of vanishes as they keep on dancing, his eyes locked on hers the entire time. It's almost like they are the only two people in the world, and he can't understand why his heart – his cold, dead, lifeless heart – is beating weakly at this moment. It makes no sense.

And they keep on dancing. They seem to gravitate around each other, holding each other into place as if they are afraid of falling back down to reality. He knows he is anyway because reality, for him, doesn't have moments like this.

The music stops but they pause for a brief moment, scrutinising each other, trying to figure each other out, before breaking apart, her expression still one of complete surprise. His expression returns to a stony, disinterested one. It's not because he doesn't care – rather the opposite in fact.

He thinks he might be falling for her.

History, it seems, is repeating itself all over again.

And it doesn't take a genius to work out which brother will end up second best.


	10. Commiserations

_# 10_

_Commiserations_

**Summary: **Elena and Tyler share a moment at the wake of Tyler's father.  
**Spoilers for:** 1x22 through to 2x01.  
**Characters featured: **Elena, Tyler.  
**Extract: **_Their worlds aren't too far apart. Loss is what drives them, what shakes them awake, and they'd be lying if they said any different.  
_**A/n: **Tyler and Elena really needed a moment during the show. I, personally, wouldn't ship them but I think certain things would draw them together – the fact they both lost a father, for one. Also, this sets me up nicely for some Tyler/Elena scenes I'll eventually include in my fic 'Missing: Presumed Dead.' :)

X-X-X

Liquor is what keeps him through this blasted event. He sneaks quick gulps of the vile stuff when he thinks his mother – or, more importantly, _Mason_ – isn't looking.

The grief hasn't hit him yet. He half expects his father to emerge through the front door, in a cloud of self-importance, and clout him for not being proactive enough. Maybe denial, then, is what keeps him from completely shutting down.

"Liquor, huh? I wish I'd thought of that at _my_ parents' wake."

He looks up, squinting through bleary eyes at Elena Gilbert. It makes him feel slightly better that she hasn't got sympathy written across her face, like everyone else, nor do her eyes fill with sycophantic tears which, if anything, just irritate him.

"Yeah," he mutters. "Trying to drown the pain, escape the world - etcetera, etcetera."

"Is it working?"

He pauses, if only to consider the answer.

"No," he replies bluntly.

She sits next to him, and he's suddenly _aware_ of her. He remembers vaguely sitting through the Gilberts' wake, watching her nod her way through people's condolences, commiserations, like he's been doing all day.

"It sucks what you're going through," she says, gazing at him. "But the worst part isn't the mourning. It's being reminded _constantly_ that you have someone to mourn. I know all I wanted was to just switch off from it all."

He looks at her in surprise, wondering how she's able to articulate in one breath what he can't articulate full stop. He wants to be able to give a reason as to why this whole _charade_ of people caring is irritating him, even infuriating him – because, unlike his dad, this whole community crap doesn't inspire him – but he can't.

He always figured they were just too different to ever come together. As it happens, their worlds aren't too far apart. Loss is what drives them, what shakes them awake, and they'd be lying if they said any different. He doesn't buy that whole 'bonding over dead family' crap. It's just too cliché.

But he is grateful, nonetheless, for her words.

It reminds him that life goes on, even when you try to pretend otherwise.

He celebrates that fact by downing the rest of the bottle and slamming it on his father's old desk, not too far from his dad's photo, his eyes lingering a little too long on that photo, before he, in true Lockwood fashion, storms off.


	11. Difference

_#11_

_Difference_

**Summary: **"You lost her too." Damon revels in the differences between Katherine and Elena, discovering everything he thought before was wrong.  
**Spoilers for: **1x03.  
**Characters featured: **Damon, Elena, mentions of Katherine.  
**Extract: **_"She went from being a target he could use to hurt Stefan, to an individual he could, dare he say it, actually like and respect."_

X-X-X

She sighs heavily, as if contemplating something; a decision, maybe. Either way, he's intrigued.

"I'm sorry," she says, meeting his eyes.

He frowns, momentarily confused, trying to rack his brains for a previously iterated comment which would justify her apologizing to him. He comes up blank, which is a first: most of the girls he's conversed with _(promptly before drinking their still warm blood) _are easier to outwit than a gnat.

"For Katherine," she clarifies. "You lost her too."

_You lost her too…_ It rings true. He's stunned into silence, realizing she's picked up in a minute's conversation what no one else has managed to in a century.

He lost Katherine too.

He draws back with surprise, examining her with mild surprise. When he'd first laid eyes on her, he'd been convinced she was Katherine, playing a cruel joke on him alongside Stefan_. (How else would you explain what he'd stumbled upon?) _But if there was ever evidence that she wasn't anything like Katherine, here it is.

He's confused for so many reasons; his initial mission of ruining Stefan, her being a big part of it, seems to have crumbled before his eyes. She went from being a target he could use to hurt Stefan, to an individual he could, dare he say it, actually like and respect.

For over a century, human life has meant nothing to him.

Until now.


	12. Collision

_# 12_

_Collision_

**Summary: **Tyler re-evaluates Caroline Forbes and his relationship with her.  
**Spoilers for: **2x08 through to 2x11 'By the Light of the Moon.'  
**Characters featured: **Tyler and Caroline.  
**Extract: **_"At no point were their worlds supposed to collide – but they had."  
_**A/n: **This pairing is just so cute. I love them. They have great chemistry and I hope the producers include more scenes of them!

X-X-X

He watches her cross the school field, her blonde hair blowing carelessly in the mild breeze. He watches her with those stalker eyes he used to tease Matt about, back in those old days before everything had changed.

In so many ways, she is deeper than he knows. He just never knew the other side to her. It's like looking through a kaleidoscope with a single expectation, only to find there's more to it than perhaps you'll ever know.

He's dated enough girls to know from books and movies that werewolves and vampires supposedly don't get on. With smug satisfaction, he takes a moment to appreciate that, in more ways than one, they single-handedly shoot down every theory books like _Twilight_ pathetically present to the world as entertainment.

He loses that smug smile for a moment, his eyes never leaving Caroline. What they are is unnatural, against the very fabric of nature itself. What unites them is their sheer desperation to make the best of an extremely bad situation, all the while trying to find their place in the hierarchy of school and, to an extent, life.

She looks up at one point, her eyes meeting his, and they exchange a look of understanding. Her lips twitch into a momentary smile, though her eyes convey nothing but concern.

_This wasn't supposed to happen,_ he thinks. He's supposed to be the ass of a jock, whose only fight is to claw his way into people's good books _(maintaining his reputation, of course)_. She's supposed to be the loudmouth, bitchy cheerleader, whose only chore is in getting people to stay her friends.

At no point were their worlds supposed to collide – but they had.

And the damage is simply irreversible.


	13. Release

_#13_

_Release_

**Summary: **Rose contemplates Damon's fate, as her own unfolds.  
**Spoilers for: **2x12 The Descent.  
**Characters featured: **Rose, with mentions of Damon.  
**Extract: **_"He ended her suffering. She wishes she could do the same for him."  
_**A/n: **I thought Rose deserved another drabble dedicated to her because, let's face it, she was one of the best new characters introduced on the show and her exit was, without a doubt, the most moving scene ever. I suspect I'm not done with Rose, however, so expect more drabbles in the future. Meanwhile, thanks for the reviews!

X-X-X

She wanted to count up to three - the standard number- before letting the race commence _(which she would've won)_. But when she reaches two, she finds Damon has disappeared, leaving her alone in a field of gold, the hand of loneliness gently caressing her cheek, her long hair flowing in the careless breeze.

Her ties with him have been severed, and she knows what it cost him to do so. She doesn't envy him, even though he's alive and she isn't. She knows he has to go back to a life of pain; something her death will add to, no doubt.

And she feels guilty. Because he gently nudged her home, with not a second thought for himself, and yet for all his sacrifices, he reaps no rewards. No visible ones anyway. And she thinks maybe he's a different kind of hero. The one whose true act of heroism is to switch off every emotion he _wants_ to feel _(not hide)_ to save a town - and a girl - he can't make up his mind about.

She can't make up her mind about him. Behind the sarcastic exterior he presents lies a genuinely emotional human being, which he continues to pretend doesn't exist. But, every now and then, he lets slip a shred of humanity she considers herself lucky to be able to witness.

And she knows it's not her who brings his humanity to the surface.

And, even though she's standing all by herself in the middle of a gloriously green field - a field which has been touched by the fringes of Autumn by the look of things - she knows she's not the one who's alone.

He ended her suffering. She wishes she could do the same for him.


	14. Maternal

_#14_

_Maternal_

**Summary: **Jenna gets an unexpected surge of affection when she first visits Elena.  
**Spoilers for: **No spoilers. Set way before the Pilot.  
**Characters featured: **Jenna, Elena, Miranda.  
**Extract: **_"This unexplainable warmth swells up inside her..."  
_**Warning: **This chapter is full of fluffiness. You have been warned! :P Plus BABY ELENA! AWWWW!

X-X-X

She feels unexpectedly nervous when presented with her sister's daughter. She knows she's not maternal; at least, she doesn't think she is. She can barely hold a saucepan without dropping it, so how her sister thinks she can handle a child, she doesn't know.

"Take her," Miranda encourages. "Come on, Jenna. She won't bite."

_Knowing my luck, yes she will, _she can't help thinking. Elena stares at her, with those warm, gooey eyes that would make any maternal person just melt with delight. Her little chubby hands reach for her, so she, with all the reluctance in the world, takes her from Miranda.

And this unexplainable warmth swells up inside her. She bounces Elena gently on her knee, making some sort of incoherent noise all babies seem to lap up. Elena gives her a gummy smile and she smiles back, feeling for the first time as if she's doing something right.

She relaxes a little, before reaching out a finger and tickling her niece, who releases this twinkle of a laugh. And she falls in love. The gentle bouncing soon becomes a hug, which Elena seems to love. She can feel her little, chubby hands against her heart, which is currently racing, not out of fear, but utter adoration. From being a reluctant aunt, she has, in the space of a day, been completely sold on the idea of having children.

Even when her sister exits the room, she doesn't panic, like she normally would. She just stares into Elena's warm, brown eyes, and feels like maybe having one of her own wouldn't be such a terrible, insane, completely preposterous idea as she normally would have though.

In that moment, Elena becomes the person who always calms her down, the one member of the family who somehow manages to speak to her girl to girl, and assure her that she's not a complete and utter failure. And the first surge of maternal love she felt still lingers inside her heart, even though she misses most of Elena's childhood running away from Mystic Falls.

It is the one thing that never changes in her life.


	15. Horror

_#15_

_Horror_

**Summary: **As Vicki dies, she remembers who she was, what she meant to people.  
**Spoilers for: **1x07.  
**Characters featured: **Vicki, mentions of Matt, Elena and Jeremy.  
**Extract: **_[Her life was] a big joke with a screwed up punch line…  
_**A/n: **Vicki is an underappreciated character. I liked her with Jeremy a lot more than Anna. (Bonnie/Jeremy all the way though!) She was a good character while she lasted but was glad the writers didn't drag her out. She could've become irritating.

* * *

She moves to attack, losing herself in the process. Fangs are bared _(she's in kill mode) _and the thirst swells up inside her, as if sensing it would be satisfied soon. Everyone who dances around her are a blur. She grabs someone _(doesn't care who) _and prepares to kill.

Then, pain occurs. A sharp, agonising pain distracts her, and she briefly looks down, horrified to see a huge wooden stake being shoved through her chest. And, like magic, the vampire side of her withdraws, goes into hiding, leaving behind the lost girl she always was, the lost girl who never could find her way out of the woods.

_This isn't me! _she silently screams. _I'm not doing this!_

And the faces blur into recognition. She spots Elena, clutching a heavily bleeding wound _(Oh God, did she do that?)_, dragging away a desperate Jeremy, who looks horrified. He yells and tries to reach her but it's too late. She feels the edges of her face crumbling around her. That little lost girl seems to be staring at who she is now, shaking her head sadly, probably wondering where it all went wrong.

She tries to release a few tears but her eyes are too dry.

She buckles and drops, her last thoughts being of utter regret, of utter horror. She tries to cry out for Matt, the one constant in her entire life _(never changing, never questioning her)_. Her heart shudders to a stop.

She dies just a last tear squeezes through the cracks of her face and pushes it way to the surface _(not unlike herself)_.

It's ironic how she finally realizes who she is, what she meant to the few people who genuinely cared about her, just as her brief life _(immortal, mortal…take your pick)_ draws to a close.

But then again, wasn't her whole life just some big joke anyway? A big joke with a screwed up punch line.

A hell of a screwed up punch line.


	16. Trapped

_#15_

_Trapped_

**Summary: **A part of Andie can understand everything that's happening to her. And she hates it. Based off an interview I read which hinted at the idea that maybe Andie is more aware of what is going on than perhaps even she realizes.  
**Spoilers for: **2x13 onwards.  
**Characters featured: **Andie, Damon.  
**Extract: **_"Andie Star doesn't feel like a star anymore." _

X-X-X

Everything about this feels horribly wrong. His lips against her skin, his teeth in her flesh, the _come hither _look in his eyes all feel like actions sent skipping from the pages of an Anne Rice novel.

But of course, he is a vampire. He tells her this every night. The part of her which hasn't complied with what he's saying, which is still fighting with every breath she has in her body, yearns for freedom. But every now and then, he lets something past; a glimmer of humanity sparks behind his eyes, and she almost feels for him, almost falls for him out of her own free will.

Then his teeth sinks into her skin, drawing blood, and she remembers he's a monster. She cries herself to sleep some nights, without knowing why. Nightmares plague her mind, torment her, and she can't escape, because she knows, deep down, the real nightmare lies next to her, looking oddly peaceful.

Each day is as unpredictable as the wild, untameable ocean. Some moments, he'll smile and the emotion touches his eyes, as if he genuinely cares. Some moments, it doesn't touch his eyes, and she can almost see his tongue lick the edges of his lips. And she smiles, and goes about her day, because she can't do anything else.

She feels trapped.

And Andie Star doesn't feel like a star anymore. Stars imply freedom, a luxury she can no longer afford.


	17. Alive

#17

Alive

**Summary: **There's a spark of the old Caroline as she gets up on stage to sing to Matt, the one who positively thrived off of attention.  
**Spoilers for: **2x16 Houseguest  
**Characters featured: **Matt, Caroline.  
**Extract: **_"This, right here, is their definitive moment."_

X-X-X

She feels almost invincible on the stage, like she can handle anything or anyone. The microphone is her weapon, one which will win her the only prize she's ever wanted : Matt.

She can see her friends in the crowd, cheering her on. Their cheers and words of encouragement are her motivation. And she knows even if Matt isn't won over, she's managed to realize that the part of her which thrived off of attention isn't dead and gone.

At this very moment, as a matter of fact, she's very much alive and loving the moment.

But Matt's eyes are definitely on hers; and he's smiling, which can only be a good sign. He wanted her to make the first move, well, damn it, she's Caroline Forbes, the girl who never likes to do things halfway. So what if this is a little bit corny and practically like she's serenading him? So what if this gets her into trouble afterwards? It'll all be worth it. For the first time ever, it'll all be worth it.

Still, she is surprised by his assault onto the stage, the way his arms hold her as he kisses her, the bold way he lowers her to the ground, making a romantic statement in front of the entire world _(I love this girl!). _It's like the entire world disappears, leaving just the two of them together, exploring each other's face as the hunger to catch up on what they've missed.

This, right here, is their definitive moment.


	18. Underestimate

#18

Underestimate

**Summary: **Elijah learns never to underestimate Elena….before promptly being killed.  
**Spoilers for: **2x15 Dinner Party  
**Characters featured: **Elijah, Elena  
**Extract: **_"There's a god-awful moment where he can't think, can't react…."  
_**A/n: Thank you to Justwritier for reviewing consistently! Elijah is the most awesome new character on the show and they couldn't have picked a better actor to play such a dastardly, mysterious character. So expect more drabbles about him in the future XD**

X-X-X

"I'm sorry, Elena…" His voice comes out nice and even. "I'm going to have to call your bluff.

He's become something of an expert at reading people - humans, specifically - but he can honestly say he cannot read her at all at this precise moment. An array of emotions flicker across her face - doubt, resignation, fear, determination - as she arranges the knife into a stabbing position.

He watches, knowing full well she won't have the strength to actually stab herself. He almost smiles, as he mentally decides which of those sons of bitches he will take down first, because she sure as hell isn't going to be able to negotiate her way out of him ripping them apart before taking her away.

A determined sigh escapes her lips, then she shoves the dagger into her stomach, and there's a god-awful moment where he can't think, can't react, can't _move_. _(This was not how it was supposed to go down!) _When he can react, he zooms towards the door, frustrated as he realizes he cannot get inside.

"Yes, you can have your deal," he bargains hurriedly. "Let me heal you."

But she's stubborn - more so than he ever gave her credit for. She wants his word, the word thanks to his old school ways _(ways that arrogant Salvatore brother could do well with learning) _he can never go back on. He sighs heavily but knows he must sacrifice vengeance for practicality. So, he assures her she has his word, and she lurches forwards.

He catches her, surprised by the contact _(humans generally don't go near him) _then gets another, far more unpleasant surprised. Something pierces through his skin and reaches his heart. He almost feels a sense of comical disbelief _(not this again?) _and he realizes there's an important lesson to be learned in all this.

Never trust a Petrova… no matter how prettily she may disguise her name.


	19. Together

_#19_

_Together_

**Summary: **Rose and Trevor reunite after she dies.  
**Spoilers for: **2x12 The Descent  
**Characters featured: **Rose, Trevor.  
**Extract: **_"She closes her eyes, willing to see her old friend again…"_

X-X-X

Like a shy infant, taking her first steps, she walks across the field, the soft grass feeling cool against her sore feet. She half expects loneliness to creep up on her _(now that he's gone) _but it doesn't. She feels utterly at peace.

"_I think you will see whoever you want to see…"_

She closes her eyes, willing to see her old friend again, memorising his face, his details in her mind. She hears his soft laugh beside her, and her eyes fly open, taking in his perfect appearance, from his loose, stringy hair, to his dark, wonderful eyes, which always could capture every emotion under the sun, from anger to hurt to love. The latter is what she sees now.

"Trevor…" she breathes.

She waits for the playful _I told you so _but it never comes. Instead, he takes her hand, playing with it as the midday sun rolls above them. They bask in it, bask in the utter tranquillity of it all, enjoying, above all else, the fact that there's no need to run anymore.

He doesn't say a word; doesn't need to. She's overjoyed just to see him here, just to know he's with her again, her oldest friend, her companion, her _family_. Just like with Damon, she leans her head against his shoulder, sinking into the grass, her fingers scraping against the soft ground lightly as she relishes being home. Trevor entwines a loose arm around her, which assures them both that he's not going anywhere without her.

They've been on the run for far too long.

Now it's time to stop….

And just breathe.


	20. Intentions

_#20_

_Intentions_

**Summary: **Damon wonders when he'll finally get it right with Elena. Not necessarily a romantic drabble, but can be interpreted either way.  
**Spoilers for: **2x03 Bad Moon Rising.  
**Characters featured: **Damon, Elena  
**Extract: **_He thought they were at a place where they could be honest with each other….  
_**A/n: **Inspired by the Glee original song 'Get It Right'

X-X-X

He hovers on her doorstep, unwilling to leave. Two feelings out of the many he's feeling right now stand out - betrayal and devastation.

"_Yes… you have lost me forever."_

How can she leave it at that? He'll take anything, _anything_, at this point other than this cold treatment he's been getting. He understands he's not exactly innocent in this game they've been playing, but for her to manipulate him like that? That's a dirty move and she knows it. She can dress it up any way she likes but he's seen a glimpse of Katherine in her tonight. And, yeah, maybe telling her that probably wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever said, but he thought they were at a place where they could be honest with each other.

Rubbing his jaw, he stares at the door, half hoping she'll come out so they can just talk. Figuring that's just another delusion he can add to his collection, he moves away, feeling dejected beyond anything. Even her pushing him away when he'd tried to kiss her doesn't hurt as much as this. He'd been a jerk then but today? Today he'd taken an arrow in the back for her, held off killing the bitch responsible for it for her…

When will she open her eyes and see just what he does for her? How much he's changed himself for her? He values her opinion of him more than anyone else's. Hell, he practically puts her opinion on a pedestal and worships it, he's that far gone. Disgusted with himself - and her, to a point - he reaches the Boarding House within seconds, and gulps down glass after glass of good, hard, strong alcohol, intending on forgetting this disastrous excuse of an evening.

Maybe it's a sign of how much Elena is imprinted in his brain that no amount of liquor can make him forget. Her face - her impassive, expressionless face - haunts him. It actually damn well feels like he's lost her forever and he feels an irrepressible rage shake him up. He feels like if anyone were to walk in, he could snap their neck in an instant and not feel a thing until he'd sobered up.

But, then again, that kind of move had never exactly won him any friends, had it?

So, like always, he - with difficulty - bites back the raw emotions he feels, realizing with Elena there's always going to be that line he has to balance on. A line which he can so easily cross - sometimes by accident - which makes her completely turn on him. She's so difficult to please, so hard to keep on his side, so easy to love.

Scratch that last one.

Thinking about that last one will open up a can of worms he just doesn't want to deal with. He holds some sort of powerful emotion for her, but love? No… he doesn't love anymore.

But he thinks, for her, maybe he could.

Maybe he does.


	21. Isobel

_# 21_

_Mother_

**Summary: **Elena realizes how little she actually knew about Isobel.  
**Spoilers for: **2x17 Know Thy Enemy  
**Characters featured: **Elena, Isobel.  
**Extract: **_"She so desperately wants to believe the last side she saw to Isobel was the true one…"  
_**A/n: **The last episode broke my heart in so many ways. Poor Jenna. Poor Elena. Poor Matt… except Matt is being stupid at the moment so not so much poor Matt. :P Actually writing this made me tear up a little. Please review and tell me what you think :D

X-X-X

She watches her mother crumble in the sun, her breath catching in her throat. She wants to stop her mother from dying – despite everything, there's still history between them _(an unknown past)_ – but can't. And she's still fighting to understand why this sudden surge of agony is ripping through her like paper.

Maybe she'll never get the answers she needs _(like why Isobel had been so cruel to her the first time they'd met)_. Maybe there are questions she doesn't even want answering. Part of finding out who you are involves making choices about what it is you want to know exactly. And how far you are willing to go to get the answers…no matter how painful they might be. Isobel is and was a stranger to her. But the tears run down her face anyway, as if the woman actually meant something to her. She'll still testify to the fact she can't stand the woman.

But there are many sides to Isobel. Maybe she never saw the real one _(and never will)_ and what she's seen up until now has just been part of a fabricated personality. Because Damon and Stefan are living proof that humanity in a vampire isn't a myth. Maybe Isobel – her real birth mother – has been there all along, trapped behind a curtain of deceit and lies and frightening evil. She so desperately wants to believe the last side she saw to Isobel was the true one, the one who was absolutely devastated to have such a fragmented relationship with her daughter _(if that)_.

She's desperate to believe there was a part of Isobel which loved her. But she knows that's just a dream, a fantasy constructed out of a few moments of insanity. The cruelty shown towards her weighs on the back of her mind. It used to justify her hatred towards her biological mother. Now, it's just another piece of the puzzle that was her mother.

And she finds herself stooping to retrieve the necklace Isobel had worn. And she clutches it towards her chest, searching for comfort – for reassurance – that she'll probably never find. It feels like an insult to Miranda _(the mother she'll always be thankful for)_ that she's even feeling this way. A real mother isn't defined by the biology but by the love and care she gives to her child. Miranda will always be the mother she'll love and cherish forever, the mother she still grieves over today.

But there'll always be that _what if_ hovering in her mind.

What if Isobel had kept her baby?

What if she'd stayed human?

What if she'd actually loved her?

What then?

She doesn't dwell on the questions; somehow knowing the answers would be far more painful than dwelling on the questions.


	22. Brother

_# 22_

_Brother_

**Summary:** Stefan thinks about his unsteady relationship with Damon.**  
Spoilers for: **2x19 'Klaus'**  
Characters featured: **Stefan, Damon.**  
Extract: **_"Damon is his own storm…"  
_**A/n: **I'm tired of everyone hating Stefan so this drabble sort of came from that frustation. Big thank you to everyone who's reviewed! You rock!

X-X-X

It's always been one thing or the other with Damon. His personality, the way he regards the world, has always meant he always has his sights set on one thing, usually the thing Stefan has, or loves.

Stefan tries so hard to keep the balance with his brother, but he's sick of walking on eggshells around him, like one wrong step will destroy Damon and they'll end up back at square one again. The thing about any relationship is that there's got to be a bit of give and take. He feels like he gives all the time with Damon, accepting the fact that there's nothing he can do about the fact his brother is in love with his girlfriend, accepting his flaws, accepting the fact he's using Andie like a puppet like he did with Caroline.

But when he makes one move Damon doesn't like, all hell breaks loose. He backs him into a corner, making snide remarks deliberately made in order to wind him up. And it breaks him inside. He thought they were making progress but it seems like history is repeating itself. Damon might not see it, but the way he's been acting today has made the possibility open up that they might just end up killing each other over Elena. Warning him wouldn't be enough; in fact, Damon would probably just rub his hands with glee over the prospect of a fight.

The glass in Stefan's hand shatters. He loves his brother, but it's always a struggle to get Damon to understand anything. Intellectually, he'll always understand; emotionally, however, is another story. There is so much that is messed up about Damon, and he's not being cruel when he says that. To be rejected by the woman you poured your heart out to is painful enough but to watch as her doppelganger constantly flirts with and kisses and loves his brother in an identically painful situation has to sting.

Whenever he tries to say something reassuring, however, Damon bats it away without hesitating. He doesn't want pity or sympathy or any kind of understanding. Despite the fact he's saved his life several times, Damon still reserves a special kind of hatred towards him. He can't understand it; maybe it's because he's never known that kind of pain. He's never been rejected like that – twice, from what Elena's told him – and so he makes certain allowances for Damon. He allows him to use Andie – the words Damon has hurled at him tonight make a certain kind of sense; it's a relief just to know Damon's attentions are elsewhere – and he allows him to be the shadow of his former self.

His mind tries to tell him it's more practical letting Damon run wild, that there's a better chance of controlling nature than there is of controlling Damon. Damon is his own storm, destroying and wrecking whatever the hell he pleases. His love for Elena, as much as Stefan hates to admit it, is his one redeeming quality.

And his heart tries to tell him it's his love for his brother that's letting him get away with murder, although he hopes Damon has avoided that path and steered clear of actually snapping anymore necks.

Damon is a confusing riddle, one he'll never have the answer to. At best, all he can do is try to work him out one day at a time. He just hopes Damon can find some sort of solace somewhere. Going through life angry and bitter can destroy you, can twist and pulverize your very heart so that nothing in the world can ever appear good in your eyes.

Take it from someone who knows. He's been there after all.


	23. Doppelgangers

_# 23_

_Doppelgangers_

**Summary:** Elijah contemplates about the differences between Katherine and Elena.**  
Spoilers for: **2x19 'Klaus'**  
Characters featured: **Elijah, mentions of Elena and Katherine. Loosely implied Elena/Elijah, Elijah/Katherine.**  
Extract: **_"He will not cross that line again and allow his heart to care…"_

X-X-X

It strikes him as he talks to Elena how different she is from Katerina. Aside from the physical differences – differences one wouldn't notice unless you looked closer – like the way they style their hair, or the various expression that flicker across their faces. But what strikes him even more is how they can share so many similarities and yet remain two separate people.

Unconcerned is how he should feel. Ideally, he shouldn't have been feeling at all. Part of the package deal of being a vampire was the ability to shut off all emotions and just drown in numbness. But all vampires knew that was an utter lie, a promise to lure people whose lives were going nowhere into joining the darkness. In reality, you feel everything. Every emotion is heightened, especially when you allow yourself to sink in it. You could initially switch them off during the first few decades of vampirism, sure, but you can blame that on the bloodlust, when your thoughts are consumed by blood. When you learn to priorities your desires, he recalls, then the emotions usually find their way back in.

He likes to think of the whole process like anaesthetic. At first, you don't feel a damn thing. It's nice. And you start to think you can live like that, with no emotions to plague you. Then, something slaps you into life and everything comes rushing back – the pain, all the feelings, the memories – and you realize quite bitterly it was only a temporary process.

He tilts his head as Elena recounts what he's missed, pondering on how the Petrova doppelgangers could've managed to ensnare the hearts of so many fools. There isn't really much they possess that other women don't, other than perhaps insanely reflective eyes which seem to show their soul. That's an attractive feature he supposes. So is the way they absent-mindedly twirl a strand of hair around their fingers. It's a habit that's bewildered him, yet he supposes to the right eyes it must look endearing.

Something inside him – an age old feeling – stirs as he recalls Katerina the way he chooses to remember her in secret. He sees the young bubbly girl, the one she effectively tore to shreds when she chose to take her own life. That decision cost him every ounce of dignity and respect he'd worked hard to build. At first, he'd put his hatred of her down to the fact she'd betrayed her brother, Klaus, but that isn't it at all. He hates her because she toyed with his heart and then disappeared like he'd never mattered. It's the old excuse… love.

Seeing her in that tomb brought those feelings rushing back. Yet love can easily blossom into hate _(and vice versa)_ and so he found it easy to stare at her with contempt. Because he couldn't see an ounce of remorse in her eyes, only fear. And fear he knows derives from a desire for self-preservation. He has no respect for her anymore, only emptiness.

But Elena is an entirely story. He finds her strangely fascinating, the way she can put aside her feelings and concentrate on saving the people she loves. It'll get her killed, no doubt, but it's an admirable trait, the desire to put others before oneself. It's rather old school, something he can relate to rather well. And she seems to let her heart rest on the line; again, it'll probably get her killed, but he admires it.

And despite the fact she's betrayed him twice, a feat that beats Katerina's record, he understands her reasons behind it. He honours loyalty; she was being loyal to her friends and family.

But make no mistake about it, he will not cross that line again and allow his heart to care. The fact he even _looked_ for a way to spare the doppelganger was a fatal mistake. Telling Elena about it now is another one.

At least this time it'll actually be worth it.


	24. Choices

#24

Choices

**Summary: **Elena and Stefan talk about the repercussions of Damon's rash action.  
**Spoilers for: **2x20.  
**Characters featured: **Stefan and Elena, mentions of Damon, naturally.  
**Extract: **_"I wanted to choose forever on my own."  
_**A/n: **Damon has actually been a jerk these past few episodes. I'm not making excuses for Stefan and pretending he's a saint, but Damon has got to learn to think things through. I know people will flame me for that comment but I don't care. I love Damon, but I'm tired of people pretending he hasn't done anything wrong and hating Stefan. So, voila, a Stefan/Elena drabble.

X-X-X

She starts to break down, feeling terrified by the implications of being a vampire. She can handle the bloodlust _(barely)_, and even the thought of being immortal barely makes her flinch. But there will be many moments she will miss; her 21st birthday, being pregnant, having grandchildren… Damon took all of those choices away from her when he forced his blood down her throat.

"It'll be okay," Stefan soothes her, brushing a careful hand across her face, tucking a stray bit of hair behind her ear.

"No it won't," she sobs. "How can it be?"

He doesn't have an answer. His heart goes out to her. He might not like the choice he'd made, but at least he'd actually made it _(even if it was born out of a moment of madness)_. She had hers taken away cruelly, even though the intentions behind the act might've been good.

He simply holds her, unable to do or say anything that will offer her any kind of comfort. Love burst from his every artery, overflowing for this beautiful creature he holds inside his arms. If he was being honest, he can't say having her to himself forever is a bad thing. The circumstances surrounding it all are unfortunate, that's all, although he can't help feeling fury at Damon's impulsive actions. It's times like this he has to question his brother's love, whether there's any depth to it at all. If he loved Elena, why does all the choices he make seemingly for her result in her being unhappy?

"I love you, Stefan," she mumbles against his chest.

"I know," he whispers, kissing the side of her head, his grip on her tightening. "We'll get through this together. I promise."

She breaks away, her expression numb. Her face is slightly blue from the cold, yet it's her eyes where the real pain lies. She looks as though she could be carried off by the wind and not give a damn. Sure, Damon may have had a point about him taking care of the collateral damage, but at the end of the day, it was him who would be holding the real prize in all of this - Elena's heart. That was what Damon truly sought after, yet settled for keeping her alive and well.

"I wanted to choose forever on my own," she mumbles quietly, repeating those words. "I wanted that one choice to be my own."

He kisses her lips, tasting the tears that are running down her face. And it takes him a moment to realize his own cheeks are damp too. He's terrified of losing her forever. In that moment, he can understand why Damon was so rash. You do crazy things to keep the one you love in your life.

They cry together on the cliff top, barely registering the sunset before their eyes. They hold each other, knowing the future is so unpredictable now. What Damon has done is not ensure her safety, but ensure her destiny, a destiny she claims she would've rejected at this point.

Their bodies quietly shake, both sets of hands feverishly clutching each other, trying to keep them both frozen here. There's no desire to leave, to go back to that uncertainty which waits for them.

Right here, right now, the only thing they are sure of now is how much they love each other.

That used to be enough for them. Now, they're not so sure.


	25. Courage

#25

Courage

**Summary: **Jenna's last moments are split between ones of utter terror, and utter determination.  
**Spoilers for: **2x21 'The Sun Also Rises.'  
**Characters featured: **Jenna  
**Extract: **_"She never wanted this, never dreamed this would be how it would all end."  
_**A/n: **Jenna's death has seriously depressed me. I can't even look at images of her anymore lol. R.I.P Jenna, and hail Sara Canning, the wonderful actress who played her. Oh, just FYI, I was half crying when I wrote this so apologies for any mistakes :P

X-X-X

She knows she's going to die. It's not a fact, not a theory, but rather an inevitability. When the sun rises, she won't be there to see it. And as she looks at Elena's teary face, she knows she has to be the one to step up and rise to the challenge. She might not know anything about parenting, but she knows a thing or two about standing up to bullies.

The love she has inside her body for that brave woman standing across from her threatens to engulf her. She's surprised she still feels that love, having expected her humanity to evaporate the moment that blood trickled down her throat. And she's grateful for that final gift.

When her moment comes, she doesn't flee as Elena expected. Instead, she tries to fight. She's tired of running away from her problems. She draws courage from Elena's bravery, although she's terrified of dying. She never wanted this, never dreamed this would be how it would all end.

"_Courage isn't about using the sword to slay the dragon, Jenna," _she remembers her mother saying, in one of her wiser moods. _"It's about picking up the sword in the first place. Not all of us will turn out to be heroes. But we will all get that one moment where we get to decided whether we want to pick up the sword and fight, or whether we want to just run away." _She'd added with a chuckle, _"Now, remember, darling, I'm being metaphorical here. Nobody's actually going to end up facing a real dragon, or monster."_

She closes her eyes, knowing that her mother in that one instance had been so right and so wrong.

And before she knows it, she's taking off, sparing only the briefest of glances in Elena's direction, her teeth sinking into the witch's neck and feeling the blood flow down her neck. She's becoming the monster she's always been terrified of in order to take the other monsters down.

Only something goes horribly wrong, and she finds herself being flung away, her breathing coming out in terrified, hitched breaths. Her eyes find Elena's, and the terror comes rushing back at her, punching her hard in the stomach. She can't register anything else other than Elena, the wonderful, beautiful, spirited girl who's going to have to watch her die.

"Just turn it off, Jenna," Elena sobs, her devastation written all over. "Turn it off… You don't have to be scared anymore."

But she doesn't. She wants to feel everything for the last time. All the sorrow, all the heartbreak, all the anger, all the terror… She has to feel it all before she dies. It's the only way she can die knowing her humanity hadn't left her forever.

And when the stake comes down, she hears Elena's mingled sob and scream. And there's an intense moment where she can _feel _the pain. It hurts like hell. But what hurts the most is the fact Elena is next.

She's not really sure what her last sound is. A sound of pain? A muffled sob? A cry for help?

All she is sure of is that she went down fighting. She tried to be brave like Elena and hopes she's at least remembered like that.

She may have run away from Logan Fell, from Mystic Falls, but she came back when it mattered, when she was needed the most. And she likes to think maybe she didn't fail so badly after all, because she sees the fire in Elena's eyes and has this belief, this hope, that she'll live. She's always been stronger than her, always.

And before her body shudders into death, she mouths an 'I love you' Elena won't see. She's not sure herself who that 'I love you' belongs to.

The niece who showed her what true strength was.

The sister she loved with all her heart.

The troublesome nephew who gave her a challenge, pushed her to her limits to find how strong she could really be.

The man who loved her constantly, who tried desperately to keep her safely away from his dark world that she ended up pushing her way into all the same because she loved him that much.

Maybe all four of them.


	26. Death

#26

Death

**Summary: **Stefan watches Elena 'die' and it kills him inside.  
**Spoilers for: **2x21 'As the Sun Rises'.  
**Characters featured: **Stefan and Elena.  
**Extract: **_"It physically hurts him that he can no longer hear her sweet heart beating for him."_

X-X-X

This is definitely the worst moment of his life. And, as you can imagine, that tops a very long list.

He doesn't know what's worse. Seeing Klaus drain the love of his life of blood, seeing the empty, numb look in her eyes as her life is ebbed away _(no, wrong word; torn) _or watching him drop her as if she's nothing, as if she's not a human being with thoughts, feelings and memories.

His heart crunches in two. Tears threaten to spill, threaten to drown him. He honestly doesn't know where to look. If he's not looking at her cold, lifeless body, then he's looking at Jenna's, the two people he failed. He knows whether she wakes up or not, this moment is going to haunt him forever.

He barely registers the transformation. The desire for revenge pumps around his body faster than blood _(stronger, too)_ and he feels a grim smile tugging at the corner of his lips, knowing in just minutes Klaus is going to feel his entire world shatter, just moments before his evil reign comes to an end.

But, still, his eyes can't help but travel back to her.

And it physically hurts him that he can no longer hear her sweet heart beating for him.


	27. Safe

#27

Safe

**Summary: **Caroline and Tyler have an intimate moment after the sacrifice ritual, aware their time together may be limited.  
**Spoilers for: **2x21 'As the Sun Rises'.  
**Characters featured: **Caroline, Tyler.  
**Extract: **_"You know what, Ty? Twilight has it all wrong. I thought you watching me would be romantic and stuff, but it's not." _

X-X-X

A lot of things have changed for her in the wake of the sacrifice ritual and the devastation it has left in its path. Seeing Elena's broken face day after day reminds her of the stakes and so, unwilling to deny her feelings any more, she goes to Tyler's house.

"Hey." A tentative smile passes across her face. "How are you?"

"Hey." His smile is crooked, wobbly, quite cute actually. Wolfish, even. "I'm good. A little sore but that passes."

She reaches up to trace his face, the action confusing him. She tries to explain herself, yet she goes unheard. Her lips, precarious and fragile, wobble as the tears spill from the corners of her eyes. She misses Matt. She misses Jenna. She misses having a predictable life.

He understands. Sweeping her under one arm, he leads her insides, leads her upstairs, the gesture entirely innocent. They wobble precariously on the stairs, her body bopping against his. They share a shaky laugh, but there's no awkwardness. Rather, they both are aware of the screaming chemistry there, yet they are frightened to answer the call, frightened to care.

He tucks her in bed like she's a child. She protests, but he is firm.

"How many sleepless nights have you had, Care?"

"I don't really need sleep…" is her miserable attempt at a defence.

"You look terrible." Trust Tyler to give it to her straight. "I know you want to sleep. You can nap here. I'll make sure nothing happens to you." He gives her a soft smile. "I can cover up if Mom comes home unexpectedly, but she's in hospital still so we should be good for a while."

She smiles up at him, her head nestled on his incredibly soft pillow.

"You make it sound like we're doing something naughty," she points out, her bleary eyes shining just a little bit in his presence.

"I thought we'd save that until you have more energy," he jokes, stroking her hair and looking down at her with such sweet sadness in his eyes.

And she knows he understands what has happened and the effect it has had on all of them. Without planning it, her arms are around his body and her head is snuggled against his chest. It doesn't feel anything like Matt's bed embraces, and maybe that's the whole point. It's new, wonderful, and she feels safe in his embrace, awkward though it may be. She closes her eyes and feels herself drifting in between consciousness and unconsciousness, before an important point rears its ugly head, killing the moment.

"You know what Ty?" the words stumble awkwardly out of her mouth before she can stop them. "Twilight has it all wrong. I thought you watching me sleep would be all romantic and stuff but it's not."

"It's not?" Tyler looks amused by the comment. "Wow... Twilight actually get something wrong. Never thought I'd see the day."

She opens one eyes and grins.

"It's creepy actually," she whispers. "Don't know how Bella can stand it."

He shuffles in next to her, locking his arms around her.

"Is this any better?" he whispers against her ear.

And, despite her earlier denouncement, she's fast asleep in his arms. Grinning softly at the ever changing mind of Caroline Forbes, he leans in and kisses the top of her head, suddenly having no desire to be anywhere else.

He feels safer with her than with anyone else.


	28. Here

_#28_

_Here_

**Summary: **Damon knows Elena might not reciprocate his feelings, but she's here when he needs her most. And that's all that matters.  
**Spoilers for: **2x22 "As I Lay Dying"  
**Characters featured: **Elena, Damon.  
**Extract: **_"The odds have always been against him…"  
_**A/n: **OMG. How epic was the finale? So many heart breaking and wonderful revelations! Loved it! This season has definitely been the best one so far, so I hope season three goes the extra mile and becomes even better!

X-X-X

Pain erupts inside every part of his body. He feels, for the first time in a long time, weak and vulnerable and he hates it. He feels so pathetic, so needy, and the whole dying process is taking forever. He'd rather have gone out in a blaze of glory rather than have all his pride and dignity stripped from him like this.

"This is more pitiful than I'd imagine," he murmurs, more to himself than Elena.

But he can't quite understand why she's staying here. He could hurt her, even kill her. Just because he's docile now – weak, more like – doesn't mean the urge to kill won't flare up again. He'd rather take a stake to his own heart (except he wouldn't be able to get the angle right) than hurt her again.

What's even more confusing is her expression. Tears are in her eyes, threatening to spill over. Grief is associated with people who care, and he honestly believed he'd screwed up so much when it came to her that she wouldn't care about him anymore. But, yet, here she is, lying so close to him he can hear her heart beating (not that he isn't attuned to it anyway). The close contact is oddly comforting. Dying alone is not something he could've faced anyway, although he would've put on a brave show face to the bitter end anyway.

"There's still hope," she says through gritted teeth.

He wants to scoff at her mindless optimism, but he knows she has to believe there's a chance he can still be saved. If that's what keeps her from crying hysterically (that, he wouldn't be able to handle, lest he start crying too) then he's down with her using the optimism card. He wishes he could move to hug her or something, but his entire body feels numb, heavy, meaning moving isn't really an option unless he's a masochist and enjoys sudden, violent bursts of pain.

With his limited breaths, he tells her he knows it'll always be Stefan, his stubbornness to accept that fact once costing him dearly. She doesn't respond to it, so he can only assume she's remembering that night too, only what she does next actually takes him by surprise. Dropping her body a little, she rests her head near his, her hands finding his. He moves his head fractionally to make room for hers, his head still trying to cope with the fact she's never been this close before so willingly.

Somewhere along the way he must've done something right to make her care like this. It's either a mark of progress, or a mark of how pathetic he's become that he can't help but think about Stefan during this moment.

"You should've met me in 1864," he suddenly murmurs, not really understanding where the comment came from. "I think you would've liked me."

She gulps; he can hear the sound.

"I like you now," she tells him earnestly, to which he responds by scrutinising her carefully for any trace of a lie. "Just the way you are."

He closes his eyes, drowning in memories, some good and some bad. He feels intensely ashamed of the way he's been this past century. Nobody forced him to love Katherine; nobody forced him to drain that girl dry (although Stefan did play his part). During ever bad choice he'd ever made, there'd been a chance to walk away and he'd never taken it. He deserved this.

Suddenly, he feels a pair of soft lips on his. Frustrated by his lack of ability to respond, he settles on focusing on the moment, wondering whether this is just a pity kiss or whether there's a part of her that wanted to do it. It doesn't really matter either way (he's still a dead man); either way, she kissed him, and hadn't that been his fantasy for months?

And there's no greater feeling than the feeling of being loved, even if it's not in the way he would've liked. She's told him as much that she would stay with him until the bitter end, and he feels guilty for becoming another person for her to mourn when he swore to himself he'd never hurt her again.

He's fighting to stay alive – believe him, he is trying – but the odds have always been against him – in every aspect of his life. But just her being here with him means so much to him; it means more than he'll ever be able to say.

If it's even possible, he thinks he loves her even more.


	29. Family

_#29_

_Family_

**Summary: **Elena and Alaric have a moment during the funeral.  
**Spoilers for: **2x21 'The Sun Also Rises'  
**Characters featured: **Elena, Alaric, mentions of Jenna.  
**Extract: **_"I want you to know, Elena, that just because Jenna's gone, it doesn't mean I'm going anywhere…"_

X-X-X

He's never seen her so broken before. Exhausted, yes, even filled with despair, but never broken. Elena's always had this amazing fighting spirit he suspects Jenna may have had a hand in endorsing.

His hands are shaking, and the tears will not shake themselves from his eyes. It's like looking at everything through one of those mirrors at a fun fair, only nothing's been distorted. The horror that is his life is real and the wound stings even more bitterly than Isobel's demise did. Her first one, that is.

He lays a flower across her grave, wondering why words have completely failed him. Perhaps the injustice of this moment is the cause, because Jenna certainly didn't deserve this fate. It's why he kept lying to her, in the hopes he could keep her alive and safe. How ironic then that lying to her ultimately got her killed.

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Elena moving from Jenna's grave to John's, her expression undecided. It's like even now she doesn't know how to feel about him, even though he made the ultimate sacrifice to keep her alive and safe. He can relate; despite the damage John did to his and Jenna's relationship, he can't deny what he's done now has certainly eased the hatred he felt for him, if only by a fraction.

Everyone moves off, presumably to do their own private grieving. He steps forwards, the eerie silence saying more than words ever could. Elena barely notices him approaching, but why would she? As well as having to say goodbye to two more members of her family, all the grief of losing her adopted parents is surfacing again too. In lieu of any other options, he approaches her and puts a hand on her shoulder, trying not to resemble a teacher in that moment but a friend.

"I want you to know, Elena, that just because Jenna's gone, it doesn't mean I'm going anywhere," he tells her quietly, trying to ignore the quiet sounds of her heart broken sobs. "I'll always be around if you want to talk or…whatever."

She hiccups, her eyes on him. A clear attempt at trying to smile at him shatters, resulting in her eyes spilling over with more tears. Her lips wobble as she tries to talk and she gives up after a few minutes, inhaling a few times before trying again.

"Thanks, Ric," she whispers, looking up at the sky when words failed her again. "That means a lot. You and Jeremy are the only family I have left." She catches his surprised look. "You and Jenna were the perfect couple. I figured you'd be a part of our family one way or another, so me and Jeremy, we just figured you and Jenna were a package deal."

He's really moved, he can't lie. He thought about having children one day, but when Isobel disappeared, that dream sort of died. To compromise, he'd settled into a teaching job, hoping teaching history in Mystic Falls would provide him with some answers and, ultimately, closure. To have Elena think of him as family is incredible. It means somewhere along the way, he'd stopped being a failure of a man and had managed to make an impression.

"Come here," he says gently, pulling her into his arms.

She doesn't resist, but he feels the lack of life in her body. It's like everything has ceased to mean anything to her anymore. It's a doubled edged sword; Jenna and John are gone, but the bitter twist is that they died for nothing because Klaus got away. So, yeah, he thinks he understands her lack of faith in the world.

Eventually though, he feels her hug him back, and though it's a brief embrace, he has an epiphany. Jeremy and Elena are good kids, and he's determined to make sure they will be okay. He's not going to abandon them under the pretence visiting them will evoke too many painful memories. He'll be there for them, because in a strange kind of way they've taught him far more than he's ever taught them (which says something about the quality of his teaching).

"Let's get you inside," he eventually says, pulling Elena to her feet.

Luckily, Stefan chooses this moment to resurface and takes Elena away, leaving him standing there in the wind, the tears finally breaking free and pouring down his face.


	30. Daughter

_#30_

_Daughter_

**Summary: **John's final thoughts before he dies.  
**Spoilers for: **2x21 'The Sun Also Rises'  
**Characters featured: **John, Elena.  
**Extract: **_Maybe he didn't always say or do the right thing, but his one redeeming quality is that he loved his little girl with all his heart._

X-X-X

Dying in the place of another is usually seen as a heroic gesture, the ultimate form of a sacrifice. But he feels he doesn't deserve to be deemed a hero. He's had multiple opportunities to tell her the truth, to work at being the best father he could've been rather than being a dick about it all. But if he's been a jerk, it's only because he's been scared. Scared of losing her. Scared of her hating him. Scared of the best mistake he's ever made becoming a vampire, becoming part of the world he's grown up hating.

He should've known Elena always had a mind of her own. Just like both of her mothers.

As he steps outside, feels the cool breeze flutter carelessly past him, he finally understands Elena's strong stance on vampires. Stefan and Damon have fought ceaselessly to protect her, putting their own lives on the lines numerous times to save her life. And though his belief system relating to vampires doesn't die with him, he feels he could die content with the knowledge she will always be protected. She will always be safe.

It's funny, but the moment he hears Elena gasp into life, his own life doesn't flash before his eyes. All he sees is a montage of clips of Elena growing up, her warm eyes following him as he crumbles into the darkness. At this point, it's too late to ask her for her forgiveness, or to be loved. All he wants is for her to understand. Understanding doesn't always give way to love, but he hopes the letter he left behind, explaining everything, will open her eyes a little, make her understand he loved her. Maybe he didn't always say or do the right thing, but his one redeeming quality is that he loved his little girl with all his heart.

Whether she wakes up a vampire, or wakes up human, he will always love her. Not just because she holds part of Isobel inside her, but because she's her own person; strong, fierce, protective, loyal. He values everything she is and also everything she's not. She will always be his little girl, the one treasure he tried so damn hard to protect, in all the wrong ways. He should've known she would find her way into this dark world. Above all else, he should've known she could handle it. She's always been a much stronger (and better) person than he'll ever be.

As the sun rises, his life follows it. He didn't leave much of a legacy behind, but he certainly feels like out of everything he's ever done, this is the one thing he's done right. He has no regrets about what he's doing. Not a damn one.


	31. Darkness

_#31_

_Darkness_

**Summary: **Stefan loses himself in the darkness as he gets drawn into Klaus's world. But that doesn't mean he doesn't think about what he's left behind.  
**Spoilers for: **2x22, although it is set post-finale. Purely speculation on my behalf.  
**Characters featured: **Stefan, mentions of Elena, Klaus and Damon.  
**Extract: **_"All those lives lost will weigh upon his heart, on his very soul…"_

X-X-X

He doesn't even think anymore. He finds a human (any human) and plunges his teeth into their neck, guzzling down their blood without a thought. His moral compass is being damaged a little more each time he kills, and his heart twists into something unrecognizable, but he knows this is the price he has to pay.

Days turn into weeks. Weeks evolve into months. Each moment that passes is a moment soon forgotten. Time ceases to mean anything. He has sold everything he cares about, everything he's ever loved, and joined the darkness. The question of morality aside, there are moment of clarity where he literally cries at what he's become. _(This isn't me. How can this be me?)_

Klaus isn't sympathetic. He merely draws his cold gaze on him, promptly before forcing another frightened girl in his direction, the command written in his eyes. And he obliges like the monster he's become. This is a lot different than the last time he fell of the wagon. For one thing, this was forced upon him in the cruellest manner possible. For another, in the unlikely possibility he escapes this fate unscathed, it'll leave a mark on him no one can fix. All those lives lost will weigh upon his heart, on his very soul.

The worst part is he'll come across a brunette and kill her without even blinking, only recoiling afterwards when he realizes how much she looked like Elena. And the horror and the loathing punches him in the gut, winding him until he catches the scent of fresh blood on the wind, and the feeling soon subsides.

It gets to the point where he takes pride in each kill. Sometimes he uses the art of seduction, luring some poor lovesick woman into the darkest neck of the woods and then brutally attacking her. He's never unfaithful, don't get him wrong, although at this point adultery looks set to be the least important of his crimes. He hangs upon a hope - however faint - that one day he'll find the strength to just turn and walk away. Every time he thinks he's strong enough to do that, some poor fool walks in his path and his face changes.

The screams are the worst.

Not because the sound is painful. Rather the opposite, in fact. He takes an immense out of pleasure hearing them beg for their lives. And when he brutally takes them out, Klaus gives him a sick look of approval, and when they've finished essentially destroying a town, they move on.

A few months later, there's a rumour on the wind that his brother and Elena are looking for him. The news is essentially a stake to the heart. He can't help but remember the words he once said to Elena, words which take on an entire new meaning.

"_Everywhere I go, death and pain follow. You were right to stay away from me."_

He can't decide what's worse. The fact she could actually find him, or the fact seeing her in his mind doesn't do anything for him anymore. The blood has turned him, no pun intended. He's become this cold creature, the very thing he has always been afraid of turning into.

And despite everything Damon has ever done, he knows if there was any doubt as to which of them was the worst, well, the doubt is gone.

Because Damon would never have become Klaus's bitch.

Damon would never have left Elena.

Damon would never have put himself in a position where he could hurt anyone he cared about.

He's on the road to hell now. No turning back.


	32. Protect

_#32_

_Protect_

**Summary: **Bonnie and Elena's friendship undergoes several changes by the end of the season as they realize how far they are willing to go for the other.  
**Spoilers for: **2x18, 2x22.  
**Characters featured: **Bonnie, Elena.  
**Extract: **_"Klaus was ultimately responsible for their deaths but in the end it came down to their individual choices."  
_**A/n: **Big thank you to everyone who's reviewed! You are the very backbone that holds this fic up! Thank you. The next drabble should be a Bonnie/Caroline one and then will come a drabble about one of the rarely written about characters. Enjoy :)

X-X-X

They've always butted heads on one thing or the other. Despite all outward appearances, when Elena and Bonnie disagree on something, it can take days, weeks, months before the situation ever resolves itself. Stubborn by nature, fiercely guarded, the two of them have always had different ideas, different thoughts, which in time made them evolve into different people with one very common quality born out of years worth of tragedy and heartbreak.

They are fiercely protective of the ones they love.

Sometimes Elena will be by her window, gazing out at the trees by her house, a half smile forming as she remembers how all disagreements usually became resolved - with Bonnie climbing up a tree to catch her attention. Funnily enough, simply knocking on the door had never been enough. Even then, they'd gone above and beyond the call of duty to make sure their friendship stayed intact.

And despite the fact there was a moment of rockiness between them, a moment where Elena was sure Bonnie had fallen on the wayside, become a treasure of a friend only to be looked at a distance, never to be held in her arms again, their friendship grew, if possible even stronger. And seeing Bonnie's fixed eyes forever haunts Elena, because that one common thread between them (amongst many) becomes ever clearer. It's a wake up call, more than any, that that kind of sight, even to a vampire, is never pretty, and it has a scarring effect no amount of time can ever erase.

And although Bonnie didn't have much time to glance at Elena's body, she still caught a glimpse - and a glimpse sometimes is just too much. She had to pour her concentration into killing Klaus but sometimes that image still runs around her mind, meaning anything she's doing beforehand suddenly becomes less important. Her hands shake, and it reminds her that Elena saw the same thing with her. They should seem one and the same thing, both sacrifices, but they don't.

Klaus was ultimately responsible for their deaths but in the end it came down to their individual choices.

Sometimes dying is the best way of fighting.

But not often. In fact, it's a rarity, something no one likes to think about until the moment emerges.

Sometimes now Elena and Bonnie exchange glances and pull themselves into a hug, reminding themselves of all they could've lost, and all they could still lose. They've evolved as friends, and could easily describe themselves as sisters at this point. Whereas most friends can claim they'd take a bullet for their friends, they can actually say they have taken the proverbial bullet for each other. But the aftermath of that still resonates with them.

Sometimes it seems inevitable one of them will take the final swan dive, giving up their life for the other (they don't like to guess who that will be - it's like tempting fate).

Thing is, sacrificing yourself for someone you love is something that seems good (but tragic) on paper, but no one ever bothers to record the consequences of such a decision, that there's the slightest of possibilities that final swan dive takes a part of the one you love down along with you.

But they know whatever happens, the trick is to keep on fighting, even if the road ahead looks dark and treacherous.

And Bonnie's learned when it comes to Elena and Caroline, and everyone else she loves, there's just no staying out of it.


	33. Rekindled

_#33_

_Rekindled_

**Summary: **Bonnie and Caroline start to rekindle their friendship.  
**Spoilers for: **2x06 'Plan B'.  
**Characters featured: **Bonnie, Caroline..  
**Extract: **_"It's not quite what they had but it's a start…"_

X-X-X

It never was easy looking after Caroline, making sure she stayed out of trouble. Caroline has always had a personality Bonnie can never keep up with, what with her multiple personalities. Even as a human, Caroline has never been a one-dimensional character. Most only see the shallow, selfish side to her, whereas Bonnie has seen it all, from the teary, helpless Caroline, to the sweet and caring Caroline.

But through it all, Bonnie has stuck by her, defending her even in times when she knows Caroline is in the wrong. That's what friends do, what she's always done for both her friends.

But she can't help but flinch at the fact that she almost threw that away just because Caroline had changed in an unnatural way. For one moment, she became _that _person, the person who let her prejudices cloud her judgement. Because now, looking back, it's clear to see the transformation has done wonders for Caroline. She's stronger, a lot more confident, less of a pushover, and a lot more considerate towards her friends.

And yet despite those benefits, Bonnie can't help but think about the fact that a part of Caroline died forever. Staring at her now, at her wide eyes and tentative expression, it brings it all home how much her friend has changed. The old Caroline would never have looked this nervous around, but rather would have swept forward, acting like a queen, and steered them both out the door. No questions asked.

Bonnie doesn't know how to act around this Caroline, and maybe that's part of why she's been avoiding her. Elena's pushed for her to get back in the loop but she's reluctant, knowing what being in the loop would entail _(acceptance of certain vampires, for instance)_ and she's not sure she's ready to get on board with it all.

But…there's something about Caroline that looks so…vulnerable. It makes her wonder whether a vampire can really hold on to their humanity. If so, maybe there's hope for Damon, although she won't hold her breath on that particular front.

And the surprise that enters Caroline's voice when she asks if she wants to come fills her up with warmth and a quiet sort of delight. They're not back to bosom buddies just yet but they're making progress, and the light in Caroline's eyes indicates that.

And as they walk towards the old well in the woods, she slips her hand in Caroline's, for once not flinching at the contrast in body temperatures, and gives it a light squeeze. _I still want you in my life._

It's not quite what they had but it's a start.


	34. Reason

_#34_

_Reason_

**Summary:** Damon contemplates the strength of his feelings for Elena.  
**Spoilers for**: 2x10 'The Sacrifice'  
**Characters featured:** Damon, with mentions of Elena and Stefan.  
**Extract:** "_She'll never see the way he looks at her, the way he studies her, the way he catches the breaths she misses…"_

X-X-X

He doesn't know why he's here, staring at her, his face expressionless, her fist in between his fingers, his grip tightening as he lowers his face so they are only inches apart. He feels like he could trace her lips _(or something less honourable entirely)_, he's that close.

And he can hear his breath she takes, her eyes purveying his, confusion buried deep within her warm, chocolate eyes. He knows she's silently asking why he cares this much to take the time to stop her. It's a question he's asked himself many times, wondering how this one human _(putting aside her relationship with Katherine)_ could've managed to distort everything, putting an alternate meaning behind he does. Everything is for _her_ – and she doesn't even realize half of what he's done for her.

Would it make a difference even if she did?

Would it be enough to banish the constant mistrust she holds in her eyes whenever their eyes have a chance meeting?

He breathes a warning, the threat unspoken but heard all the same. She runs her tongue along her lips _(a habit born out of nervousness)_, but it does something to him. He feels an age old sensation stir in him, pulsing through his bloodstream and racing through his mind.

_What are you doing to me?_

She'll never know what it does to him, seeing her on this path towards self-destruction. She'll never know about the sleepless nights he's spent wondering how to save her, or the amount of plans he's ended up mentally discarding because he's not sure if it'll even work. She'll never see the way he looks at her, the way he studies her, the way he catches the breaths she misses, the way his heart shakes violently when she does something stupid – I mean, _monumentally_ stupid – that almost puts her life at risk.

He keeps his face impassive all the way home. Elijah surfaced and didn't do anything, and it's yet another item to add to the list of things he should honestly be spending more time worrying on rather than what's going through her mind. He keeps replaying her stepping forward, offering herself like she's worth nothing, and his grip on the steering wheel tightens.

When it comes to Stefan, he'll always be second best – always. But right now, all he can focus on is keeping her alive.

In his mind, he can't help but mentally shudder at how close he came to losing her.

She remains silent in the passenger seat, almost defiant. He can practically feel the accusatory waves bouncing off of her.

_Why did you stop me?_

Oh, there are a million answers to that question, he thinks to himself.

Let's start with reason one – he loves her. Always a good place to start.

He loves her with every damn breath he holds inside his body. He loves her enough to hide his reaction every time she kisses Stefan, her perfect body pressed against his. He loves her enough that the moment Rose mentioned Elena's name, he was already half way to his car, ready to go to the ends of the earth and back to retrieve her out of whatever mess she'd gotten herself into this time.

Reason two….

Oh, screw it. It'll always be the fact he loves her. It justifies just about every mad thing he's ever done – to himself anyway. And Saint Stefan the Smug knows the truth, and tries to lord it over him at any given moment.

Between the two of them, he knows being in love with Elena is going to kill him. One way or the other.


	35. Shattered

_# 35_

_Shattered_

**Summary:** Damon's sudden transformation stuns Katherine, and the inevitable act of breaking his heart does something to her.  
**Spoilers for**: 2x01 'The Return'  
**Characters featured:** Damon, Katherine.  
**Extract:** _"__His kisses have evolved into something stronger, something more addictive, and she finds the need to just _have_ him is not quite an act."_

X-X-X

From what she remembers, he's never been this edgy, this gritty a character. Rather the opposite in fact. She remembers a naïve, baby faced, sweet man, who would've literally done anything for her.

Now, she can see the years have hardened him, made him tough to crack, tough to _break_. She can see the thinly veiled contempt in his eyes, and knows just which buttons to press to get to him. Because although he's now playing it cool, playing the contempt card to try and deny his still burning love for her, she knows him well enough to know _(at the moment)_ it's an act.

"Kiss me, Damon." It's a challenge. "Or kill me. Which will it be?"

Their eyes meet, both of them stubborn in their ways. But she can see his desire, can still him read him like a book. But she can't deny this new, sexier Damon is certainly one she can get on board with. Every sentence is a sarcastic comeback of sorts; every wisecrack drips with irony. It's hard to detect sincerity _(if any)_ in his various remarks.

And suddenly, he's on her, pinning her to the floor. She can hear his every breath, practically feel the anger and irritation seeping from his every crevice, and for one moment she cannot read him. Because it looks like both options are options he's considering, and since she's spent centuries fighting to keep herself alive, indecision is not what she needs right now. The one advantage the needier, much more clingy Damon was that at least she could predict his every move, plus there was the fact compulsion used to have an effect on him.

But the moment his lips assault hers _(she tastes the anger)_ she gives a half smile.

_I've still got it._

They explode together in a burst of energy and passion. His kisses have evolved into something stronger, something more addictive, and she finds the need to just _have_ him is not quite an act – despite everything, a part of her _did_ and _does_ love him. Just not enough to eclipse the love she feels for Stefan. But still, the sheer force he's using to drive her against the wall is very sexy. She feels something stir within her, some kind of emotion _(although she knows it's not love)._

In the throes of their passion, he suddenly stops, causing her to sigh with frustration, her hips bucking against his, almost begging for him to continue…except she doesn't go begging.

He begs for an answer to a question she already knows the answer to, and she bites her lip. Despite the fact cruelty is in her nature, breaking Damon's precious little heart isn't on the list of her things to do.

"I already know your question, and its answer," she breathes, buying time before she completely destroys him forever.

But he deserves the truth.

The truth always hurts.

"I never loved you," she drawls, trying to appear indifferent, although she can't help but scrutinise the look of dawning recognition in his eyes as he sees the first glimpse of complete sincerity in her eyes. "It was always Stefan."

Had she staked him right through his heart, it probably would've hurt less. She can see that little boy look on his face, the look which usually suggests tears or some kind of emotional storm is on the horizon.

She brushes past him, acting unperturbed, acting like she's switched off all emotions when it comes to him. It's certainly easier than going through the ridiculous charade of pretending she actually loved him, that all her attention was pinned on him. And of course, it's easy to lie to yourself and believe it.

Because despite all outward appearances, she reserves the tiniest of soft spots for him.

You can't go through centuries of loneliness and betrayal and deception without wanting to open yourself up to someone every now and then – even if it's for only one moment, and then soon forgotten as you put the walls you've surrounded yourself with up again.

It's the story of her life.

She doesn't expect him to follow – yet somehow the absence of footsteps running after her unnerves her, even unsettles her.

_Did I just break him forever?_

She shouldn't care. All her attention should revolve around herself, or alternatively around Stefan.

But it's Damon.

How can she not care, even if it's only for the briefest of moments?


	36. Delicate

_# 36_

_Delicate_

**Summary:** Damon and Elena share a moment on her birthday.  
**Spoilers for**: very minor spoilers for 3x01 considering the episode hasn't aired yet.  
**Characters featured:** Damon, Elena  
**Extract:** _"__And she lets them linger, unable to ignore the burning connection between them, the shimmering symmetry of two hearts broken to the point of imminent collapse."_

X-X-X

His hands are gentle. Remarkably tender for someone of his calibre.

He scoops up her hair, gently placing a necklace around her neck. With everything the night holds, she should feel _something_ – anything. But she can't. Every day feels like her heart is turning into a black hole, draining everything good in the world into it.

She thinks maybe he understands, maybe he even _knows_, because his hands linger by her skin, even as the necklace falls into place. And she lets them linger, unable to ignore the burning connection between them, the shimmering symmetry of two hearts broken to the point of imminent collapse.

"Damon…" she breathes, feeling his hot breath tickle the back of her neck.

"Mm?"

His piercing blue eyes find hers as she slowly revolves, her eyes seeking comfort neither of them can offer.

"This is beautiful," she says quietly, gesturing to the necklace. "It must've cost a fortune."

"Not really. It was my mother's," he responds, giving her a skewed smile _(a brave attempt at appearing normal)._

She nods, unable to speak. Emotion clogs her throat, temporarily disabling her from speaking. She knows one more breath could break her _(break them)_; since Stefan's departure, they've become something of a unity, to the point where one is hardly seen without the other.

"I thought it would match your eyes," he remarks, lightly touching the chain, his fingertips brushing against the base of her neck.

She shudders _(not with revulsion)_, her eyes fixated on his. He can sense the misery eating her alive and, likewise, she can see through his false bravado. Both rely on this defence mechanism of pretending everything is fine, when clearly, beyond the veil, they are falling apart.

"It does," she mutters, gazing herself at the mirror, past the false smile and the eyes with little to no light in them. She properly _sees_ how messed up she is – and yet he's still with her, still gazing at her like she's the only star left in the sky.

"We should go downstairs," she speaks, her voice flat, lifeless.

His lips hover by her ear, her knees temporarily losing their ability to support her body.

"It won't always be this hard, Elena."

He disappears – it's strange how her body seems to react the moment he disappears, like a part of her has just faded away, like it never existed. And her face – her façade – almost crumbles.

_It won't always be this hard._

And yet this grief, this pain, feels immovable, unstoppable; it's akin to being on the top of a cliff and gazing down, knowing just _letting go_ will result in death, pain, and yet knowing staying alive, and fighting on, might just be more painful.

It won't always be this hard – but the struggle will always be there.


	37. Progress

_# 37_

_Progress_

**Summary:** Liz and Caroline try and rebuild their broken relationship.  
**Spoilers for**: 2x22.  
**Characters featured:** Liz, Caroline.  
**Extract:** _"__That revelation continues to shatter her (again and again)."_  
**A/n:** Inspired by the song 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac. Thanks for all the reviews! :D

X-X-X

In the aftermath of everything, she finds herself in the wreckage of something much bigger than herself. As Sheriff in a town crawling with vampires, she should be used to the sight of bodies by now.

Somehow, she can't get that sight of her own gun taking down Jeremy out of her mind. It scars her already warped mind, a mind that's already seen _too_ much.

Caroline walks in, her expression tentative, and that instinctively tells her _something_ has changed here – whatever Caroline had used to be, it had never been _tentative._ She'd walked into the house like she'd owned it, making no disguise of the fact she resented her for the fact that the only time they really spent together was when passing each other in the hallway in the morning.

She presses a hand to her mouth, repressing her emotions, and it seems almost ironic how being a vampire seems to have _softened_ her daughter, and even more incredibly she seems to now wear her heart on her sleeve, whereas not long ago it would've taken a sheer miracle, or some kind of teenage translator, to fathom her own daughter.

Caroline smiles at her, walks towards her _open arms_, and again it takes her a moment to adjust. She'd been raised with this hatred of vampires, raised to shoot without asking any questions, and yet she knew that piece of logic had been shattered to dust the moment she'd discovered Caroline was a vampire. In her own mind, that revelation continues to shatter her _(again and again)._

But she folds her arms around her daughter, wondering if this is secretly a blessing in disguise _(albeit, a very good disguise)_.

Because right now, despite the frailty of their relationship, they are closer now than they've ever been.


	38. Cut

_# 38_

_Cut_

**Summary:** Damon thinks maybe he pinned a lot more hope on finding Stefan than Elena did, which is why the disappointment at discovering the reality crushes him.  
**Spoilers for**: 3x01 'The Birthday'  
**Characters featured:** Damon, Stefan, Elena.  
**Extract:** _"Every wound, every cut he thought he could disregard is open and bleeding profusely" _  
**A/n:** God, wasn't the season premiere just heart breaking and beautiful! The last but one scene without spoiling it for everyone made me cry!

X-X-X

Right now, one emotion blurs into another.

Despite secretly lamenting the loss of his humanity, right now he loathes the part of him in tune with what little shreds of it he can lay a claim to fame to. Everything hurts – the anger, the disappointment, the _pain…_

It isn't even about Andie, although he can honestly say her death was another blow to his already fragile heart. One more he suspects may be enough to send him spiralling off. And despite the fact his irritation with her matches his desire for her, he can't help but remember Elena's _crushed_ expression, how he had to physically tear the hope right out of her.

The memory eats him alive – and yet he remembers telling Stefan it didn't really matter about the emotional damage caused as long as she was alive. Yet right now, he wants to pretend he never said those words – because seeing her in that state (barely alive, clawing to keep her own sanity) breaks his heart even further. It's the one thing keeping him from telling her he remembers every moment (hazy or otherwise) of those crucial few hours in the bedroom.

The last thing she needs is to have _that_ haunting her consciousness.

He begins to wreck Stefan's room, finding the action only derives the bare minimum of satisfaction needed to sustain his sanity. Stefan may have driven him to this point, but it's _his_ fault this has all happened. Had he not been so careless and ended up bitten by a mere _puppy_ of a werewolf, his brother wouldn't have gone to ridiculously stupid (and noble) lengths to save him.

The mark has long gone by now.

But there's a scar where it used to be all the same.

A number of prominent images flash behind his eyes – Andie's fixed (broken) expression, Elena's crushed look of hopelessness, the lack of remorse in Stefan's eyes. Each has a part to play in slowly crushing his spirit.

And though it's Elena's fault for starting this obsession in trying to track Stefan down, he can't help but think it's his fault too for letting her, for not warning her sooner that the end of this road never reveals anything particularly beautiful or happy.

He let himself hope too, despite himself, naively believing (like her) once they caught wind of Stefan, finding him and persuading him to come home would be that easy, that straightforward.

The resultant chaos (literal and metaphorical) that he's surrounded by is suffocating. Every wound, every cut he thought he could disregard is open and bleeding profusely.

He committed two wrongs tonight – both with (no doubt) dramatic consequences.

One – he basically destroyed Elena's hope forever, which, despite everything he's just said, is the only thing keeping them together and _united_.

And two – he's allowed himself to _feel_, to _hurt, _which means finding Stefan again – and dragging his ass back home for an overdue kicking – will be that much harder because his head right now contains an entire universe of confusion, and honestly he can't afford any more distractions.

It's also incredibly wrong to think how beautiful (and sad) Elena looked tonight.


	39. Switch

_# 39_

_Switch_

**Summary:** You don't have to have your humanity to know there'll always be something there between you and the person you love. Damon confronts Stefan, opening him up to some home truths.  
**Spoilers for**: 3x06 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'  
**Characters featured:** Stefan, Damon, mentions of Elena.  
**Extract:** "_Even if he somehow finds his humanity, finds a way to let that part of him surface again, he has to live with what he's done, who he's hurt, what damage he's caused – emotional and otherwise."_  
**A/n: **This was not only spawned from the Stelena scenes in the show – seriously, how badass is Stefan this season? Wow – but I was reminded of a scene in season 2 where Rose makes a comment about there not being a switch, yet somehow Klaus can magically make Stefan turn off his humanity. A little inconsistency there, unless there's a grand plan revolving around this point, but still this needed to be written. Hope you enjoy.

X-X-X

He breathes in before slowly pulling out the stake, still chuckling, unsure whether what he's feeling could be classed as disbelief or respect, perhaps both. He grunts in pain as he finally removes the stake from his body, aware it takes a lot of built up anger and frustration to be able to drive something like this into someone's body, and he mildly contemplates his somewhat precarious situation with Elena.

On the one hand, he feels irritated she doesn't really seem to be getting the message that there's absolutely no hope for him whatsoever – and he's fine with it, by the way – but on the other, he kind of has to admire her reckless determination.

If only she wasn't so damn persistent in trying to change him.

"Guess you pissed off your girl one time too many huh?" comes an amused voice from the other end of the hall.

He turns around, seeing his cocky brother standing there, his arms folded, and has to bite back the urge to laugh at how _ironic_ this all is. A little under a year ago, they were in the exact opposite situation, and now he comes to think about it, it was _such_ a drag trying to get his brother to repress his nature. Why bother fighting it when embracing it is so much more _fun?_

"Hey, I'm not the one who continues to delude themselves into thinking I can be changed," he replies shortly. "I don't _want_ to change."

"I'm sure you don't," Damon replies, keeping his expression neutral. "But as long as Elena believes you can be saved, she'll keep on trying. You do know that right."

He runs an irritated hand through his head. Truthfully, it's been a horrible day, and he'd rather just grab a couple of hot sorority girls and just call it a day, but despite the fact the switch has been turned _off_, something still holds him back from doing that. Elena and Damon would've called it his conscience, and probably would've hailed it as a miracle, but he knows it's more down to the fact he has a conflict of desires – part of him wants to do what the hell he wants, just because it's easier, but part of him knows he has to protect Elena, and he knows it isn't just because Klaus ordered him to.

"She can't change me, Damon, any more than she can change you. Despite the fact you've _softened,"_ his lips curl into a sneer at the word, "you'll always be the same as me. Admittedly, a diluted version, but nonetheless you've still got the potential to be a ripper too."

"Yeah?" Damon raises an eyebrow. "See, I can't help but disagree. Oh, I could be a you, sure. I could turn off my emotions, turn that little switch right off, go about killing and slaughtering everyone in my path, make that transition from vampire to ripper. But I won't. Because it's my _choice._ And, believe it or not, despite Klaus's compulsion, there is no switch. You can't turn everything off."

He shakes his head, about to deny that claim, only to realize Damon hasn't finished yet.

"You know, the one thing Rose taught me was that as much as we want to believe the switch is there, it doesn't exist. Maybe when we're newbies, yes, but not at this stage."

"You don't know what you're talking about. If there's no switch, why can't I _feel_ anything? Why do I look at her and see _nothing?_ Feel _nothing?_ If she's supposed to be the love of my life, why does she mean _nothing_ to me?"

Damon shakes his head, and actually has the audacity to look piteous.

"Because, my dear, stupid, idiotic brother, you're compelled to believe that's the case. You turn off your emotions, your _humanity_, because you realize what a monumental dick you're being, and find it's easier to continue being the aforementioned monumental dick than trying to fight the compulsion." Damon stops, looking briefly concerned before the emotion disappears. "Elena told me what you did – _tried_ to do – before Klaus swooped in and went all ninja on your ass."

"And what was that?" he snarls, trying to sound disinterested and _failing._

"You tried to fight the compulsion. You tried to stop yourself from hurting her, and that right there is enough for me to keep on saving your sorry ass," Damon explains. "Sooner or later, you're going to realize there's a part of you that cares for her, in a way you can't explain to yourself, and when you realize it's because you damn well _love_ her, you're going to want to fight to save that."

He laughs, wanting to vomit at how _corny_ Damon is being right now.

"You're crazy," he tells him. "Turning off my humanity doesn't make me forget what Elena once meant to me. It doesn't mean I don't remember how much I loved her." The use of the past tense, interestingly enough, causes Damon to visibly flinch. "I know I have to protect her for Klaus. But as for me?" He shrugs. "I don't care whether she lives or dies."

Damon stares at him, and the amount of emotions flickering across his brother's face almost confuses him.

"I really hope when Klaus is killed, and the compulsion wears off, you remember this moment right here," Damon says, choosing his words carefully, as if making sure to drive his point home in just the right manner. "Because, _brother_, you're going to have a hell of a mess to clean up. And this time, I don't think even a stint in Vampire Rehab is going to save you."

He watches his brother walk away, still chuckling, although this time he's sure he's not entirely amused.

But flicking back through his memories with Elena provokes little or no emotion from him. How can Damon say, in that case, that there's no such thing as a switch?

Then again, he's seen Klaus, a seemingly inhuman monster, almost vulnerable, certainly confused and angry, yet the fact he's even questioning everything he's had drilled – or, in this case – compelled – into his mind says a lot. There's a part of him which _knows_ his emotions are locked away, never to be touched unless commanded to, and since that's never going to happen, he just has to live with what he's lost, remember what he's missing, move on from what still haunts him, and above all else, try and act like there's nothing to remember, that what he's perhaps still hurting over has just staked him and walked off, her face a picture of rage.

And he thinks maybe Damon's right.

Even if he somehow finds his humanity, finds a way to let that part of him surface again, he has to live with what he's done, who he's hurt, what damage he's caused – emotional and otherwise.

And he knows this life is his only life for him now.

Because if he finds his humanity again, the first thing he's going to do is crumble and cry for hurting the one person he swore he never would.


	40. Forgiveness

_#40_

_Forgiveness_

**Summary: **Jeremy and Elena exchange heated words, leading to an understanding on both sides. In my opinion, a missing scene that was needed to explain how Jeremy went from being hostile to Elena, to rude, to indifferent, to worried.  
**Spoilers ****for: **2x05 through to 2x08.  
**Characters ****featured: **Jeremy, Elena, mentions of Vickie and Damon.  
**Extract: **_Her __smile __matches __his __and, __for __a __moment, __they__'__re __on __the __same __team __again, __united __against __the __world._

X-X-X

He sits by his computer, a pile of unopened books – homework – scattered messily on his desk. His headphones are on but there's no music blaring, for one very critical reason.

He has a lot on his mind.

Ignoring the fact Damon has murdered his supposed arch-enemy's uncle, and putting aside all the million other problems he's been introduced to, he still scrabbles for that last memory of Vickie, although he knows it's pointless. He finds himself thinking about her when he doesn't want to be thinking about her, and it's almost irritating. A lot has happened since that night, and all he can do is look back.

A gentle tap on his door breaks into his thoughts, and he turns around, still wearing an irritated expression, and he isn't appeased by the sight of his sister standing there, wearing an expression he can only describe as disapproving.

"Yes?" he asks, unable to push back his anger which, in fairness, she doesn't really deserve in this moment of time.

"I want you to stop hanging around Damon," she says, getting straight to the point. "He's a bad influence – he's going to get you killed, for real this time."

He pushes back his fringe and sighs, bouncing off his chair to aim a particularly brutal glare in her direction. Really, she has no right telling him what to do anymore. Not since she'd made Damon of _all_people erase that last crucial memory of the girl he's pretty sure he still loves, in the way you always do when it's your first love. She can dress up her motives any way she likes, but he knows there's a selfish element to what she'd done too.

"You really going to lecture me on hanging around with Damon? Considering what I saw before he decided to be a monumental dick and try and kill me?" he retorts, feeling slightly vindicated at the heated blush which emerges in her cheeks.

"He was in a bad place that night," she says, sounding surprised at how in one breath she'd slated Damon, and in another she'd defended him. "There's nothing to tell, Jer."

"Didn't look like nothing," he shoots back. "Maybe I should be the one to tell _you_to back away from Damon."

She flushes, but looks defiant.

_Good, _he can't help but think, as he braces himself for a row. _It__'__s __about __time __we __got __a __few __things __straight._

"You're still mad at me," she states, remarkably calm considering she knows the last time she tried to make amends, he'd told her to go to hell.

"Hell, yeah, I am. You lied to me, took away my memory," he challenges.

"Damon took away your memory," she snaps. "I might've given the order, but let's not pretend Damon is in any way not to blame. I did this for you, Jer. You were in so much pain…"

"I'm still in pain, Elena," he tells her, his shoulders sagging. "You took away my memory, but the feelings are still there." He gestures to his chest. "Even though I don't remember that night, I remember feeling scared, feeling absolutely devastated, even if I can't remember why." He hesitates, searching for the right words. "I don't have a last memory of Vickie. Everyone else does. I've never moved on from her, even with Anna, because I never got to say goodbye. I never had that sense of closure. That is what you – and Damon," he adds reluctantly, "- that is what you took from me."

Her eyes swim with tears.

"Jer, I – It's not easy to explain," she begins, reaching for him, but he steps backwards, ignoring the flash of hurt across her face.

"Then don't," he cuts across, gesturing towards the door.

Rather than crumbling to her emotions, however, he sees Elena straighten her back, a scowl twisting her lips. It reminds him of the time he accidentally smashed one of her birthday presents, and all hell had broken loose. She'd yelled at him for an hour straight – he wishes he could say that is an exaggerated fact, but it isn't – before storming up to her room and bolting the door shut.

"Look, Jeremy, I can't pretend what I did was right – it wasn't – but I'm not having you hold a grudge against me forever because I wanted to protect you," she hisses, her eyes widening and narrowing in equal measures. "From the day our parents brought you home from the hospital, I vowed to protect you anyway I could. Do I always make the right decisions? No. But my role is to make sure you grow up happy and _safe_. So yeah, I took the easy way out. I could've told you everything that night; I could've told you that the world we live in is even darker than we thought. But, for God's sake, you'd only stopped having nightmares about the accident! I wasn't going to give you cause to have nightmares about all this crap as well."

"That wasn't your call to make," he retorts, cutting her off before she can get started on part two of her rant. "I loved Vickie! Was she perfect? No. But when I wasn't missing mom and dad, I was missing her. She got me, you know? We were two loners, always on the outside looking in." He scrunches his face up, trying to visualise her only it seems to be a lot damn harder these days. "I loved her."

"I know, Jer. I know," she sighs, her brow furrowed. "You've lost a lot of people this year, but so have I. We've had a crappy year, but we still have each other. We still have Jenna and – and Ric. I know sometimes it's so easy to just stare at the black and not see the white, but we have so much to be grateful for."

"Like what?" he challenges, folding his arms, and doing his damn best to not let her words ensnare him into forgiving her.

God knows he wants to, though. He just wants that feeling of family again, like he's not on his own even though that feeling will follow him until he reaches his grave, of that he's sure. He's just always meant to be alone.

"Like we're alive," she says simply.

She doesn't say _for __now _but they both hear it anyway.

He shakes his head, still stubbornly clinging to the idea that she's wrong about everything, when really he knows she's right. He can't keep blaming her for something that's done. Realistically, he could've gone to Damon and begged for his memory back, but the fact he hasn't tells him something quite important.

He doesn't _want _to remember.

In his last memory, Vickie is alive and healthy and, more importantly, with him. He can still feel her lips against his, almost like she's there in the room, breathing life and flesh to old memories. It's a better way of remembering her.

"How do you cope with all this?" he bursts out, his eyebrows knitting together. "How can you accept all this craziness into your life?"

She doesn't even hesitate with the answer – that's the scariest part.

"Because I need all this craziness to survive, as strange as it sounds," she tells him earnestly. "I need Stefan to hold me at night, reminding me simple things like love still exist. I need Damon and his never-ending ability to be a jackass, to remind me how strong I am when I need to be. I need all of this because it's part of who I am now. No looking back." She seems to stare meaningfully at him when she says this. "I'm sorry for what I made Damon do to you, Jeremy. But I wouldn't change my decision for anything."

"Why?"

"Look at you," she says, gesturing to him, wearing a faint smile of pride. "You're not the stoner kid looking for attention anymore. You're not the kid who everyone treats like trash because that's how he treats himself."

He gives her a lopsided smile despite himself.

"Then what am I?" he questions, allowing the rest of his anger to fall by the wayside. _It__doesn__'__t__matter__anymore__…_

"You're a man dealing with his responsibilities," she compliments. "And my brother. No matter what some dumb piece of paper says. I mean…" She falters at his expression. "If you still want to be my brother…"

He doesn't throw his arms around her like he wants to. It's still too soon, and some wounds take longer to heal than other. A smile breaks through, and he nods because it's all he can do.

"Yeah, I do."

Her smile matches his and, for a moment, they're on the same team again, united against the world.

The illusion shatters when she leaves his room, and he sits in the darkness, waiting for the bubble of loneliness to pop just so he can feel something again – anything.

It doesn't and, he suspects, it never will.


	41. New Year

**Summary: **Stefan & Elena celebrate New Year's Eve apart but all the while thinking about each other. Strong undercurrents of Delena mentioned.  
**Spoilers for: **All of season 3.  
**Characters featured: **Stefan, Elena, mentions of Damon.  
**Extract: **_"Like the fireworks, the illusion shatters..."_

X-X-X

He's in Chicago, drinking up memories.

She's resting against the front porch, watching the fireworks display, the party elsewhere, along with the remnants of her heart.

This is not the New Years' Eve either of them had planned.

Separated by more than just distance, they stare up at the lonely skies, wishing they can erase all the hurt, all the heartache they've been through. The days, for both of them, drag on, and all they can do is wait for the bad whilst letting the good pass them by.

He takes a long slow drink of his whiskey, the taste as bitter as his heart.

She swirls champagne in her glass, seeing his face in each bubble which pops into view, and even when she downs the liquid, she's left with this rather sour taste, like all the excitement of drinking champagne comes from the anticipation rather than the liquid itself.

He doesn't even smoke – hates it in fact – but takes a cigarette, lights it, takes a long drag before stubbing it out on the ground; a constant reminder of what it briefly felt like to have that kind of high in his life, before it'd been erased forever.

She traces the skies with her hands, making shapes out of the stars. It's not something they ever used to do, but she likes to imagine somewhere, even amongst the darkness he's surrounded himself by, he's under the same set of stars.

They sigh as one, longing for something they've long since said goodbye to.

A woman lopes an arm around his neck, whispering something he wishes he could call tender, except he knows this time of year has an absurd effect on everyone. The stranger's breath stinks of alcohol, and he pushes her away, trailing a finger on the spot where he plans to plummet his teeth into and drink her dry.

Somehow, though freedom has long since been granted to him, that urge still flares up, and it's getting harder and harder to fight it. Not impossible, but extremely difficult.

Damon's arm loops around her neck, and she wishes she has the energy to push him away, to use her love for Stefan as a way of keeping her distance, but she's not sure she wants to deny this feeling anymore. The urge to kiss him, to just close the book on Stefan for good, still flares up, and it's getting harder and harder to fight it.

Not impossible, mind you, but extremely difficult.

At some point, he leaves Chicago, casting back one glance at all the lights, the firework display doing nothing but reminding him how even the most beautiful of displays, the most precious of moments, can burst and scatter, leaving behind nothing but the faintest of traces it was even there. He goes to the place where he has Klaus' family, lays his hand on each of the coffins in turn, as if reminding himself of the importance of the leverage he has here, and turns away.

At some point, along the way, he realizes he's turned into a version of Klaus – not quite the real article, but still a copy of him.

She leans into Damon, well aware of the symmetry of this moment. It seems like only yesterday she and Stefan shared their first kiss here, gazing up at the comet as it made its somewhat dangerous way across the sky. It seems like that comet, and everything it represented, is long gone now, and it's hard to envision it, almost like it never existed in the first place.

Metaphors are dangerous, she realizes. Once you build a relationship around one, you pretty much see them everywhere, start believing everything is some cosmic act of fate, some sort of poetry if you looked hard enough.

In the back of both their minds plays a line of a song, a song they cannot help but fear is defining their lives.

_Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you..._

As the countdown begins, they each close their eyes, almost imagining they are holding each other's hand. The closer the countdown gets to one, the tighter they grip until the last possible second, and when the fireworks continue to explode, they open their eyes, the image created banished before they can fully appreciate it.

For a second, just for a second, it felt like they were together again. For just the briefest of moments, they remembered what it felt like to be in love with each other.

But, like the fireworks, the illusion shatters.

Reality sets in.

And in the glow of the new year, they both let go.

It's the only thing they can do.


	42. Homecoming

_#42_

_Homecoming_

**Summary: **Tyler's thought process throughout the Homecoming party.  
**Spoilers for: **3x09 'Homecoming'  
**Characters featured: **Tyler, Caroline.  
**Extract: **_"He hears her bleak tone, sees the faint tinge of despair in her eyes, and knows what's coming.  
_**A/n: **Nobody's reviewed this in recently, so if you do read this could you please do me the courtesy of leaving a review telling me what you think about it. It's only fair since I've taken the time to write this. Thanks :)

X-X-X

After Klaus' message, he knows what he has to do.

The part of him that's sired to Klaus wants to betray all his friends. The part of him which still fights for sole possession of his mind knows that desire is only stemmed from the need to protect his master. Even still, it doesn't feel good to know that the desire to betray lies in his bloodstream.

He wants out – but at the same time everything is just perfect the way it is. He doesn't need to transform anymore. He is no longer bound to the moon.

He's always been bound to someone, whether that had been to his father, to the moon, or to Klaus. Caroline doesn't understand – she tries to, but ultimately she will never be able to understand. Yes, she's a vampire, but she isn't bound to anything. She can walk in the sunlight; the moonlight doesn't affect her; she's learned to control her blood-lust, so she can't even use that as an excuse anymore.

The flicker of betrayal in her eyes as he vervains her tells him ultimately their relationship rests on the edge of a knife. Whichever way they move, they will fall. There's no avoiding it. Trying to salvage the romance aspect of it seems impossible at this point, so he'll settle with trying to salvage her friendship, the one he managed to summon out of nowhere during the early days.

At no point in time could he have predicted Caroline being in his life the way she'd been, nor would he have been able to predict how sensitive and thoughtful she would've been towards him, especially considering he knows his past behaviour is hard to justify even with the whole Lockwood curse as a means of justification. He can't exactly blame his wolf side for him kissing Matt's mom, or for beating Matt up for trying to intervene in the aforementioned kissing incident. There are some things he will never forgive himself for, and this tops the list.

He is gentle with Caroline as he lays her to the ground. He is so tempted to kiss her head, try and show her some tenderness even if she isn't physically aware of it. But after this, he is sure she will not forgive him. Maybe that's just one more thing he has to sacrifice along the road to finding happiness.

It's ironic really, considering every happy moment he's had since his father's death centred around her in some way.

The rest of the night involves him frantically trying to find his way around his house to locate his friends, but they've all disappeared into the crowds. Several times he curses, attracting the attention of the other hybrids who, by all accounts, appear to be massive dicks and that's when it hits him that maybe it's not what he is which bothers everyone, but the way he acts.

It reminds them of the old version of him, the one who didn't appear to give a damn about anything or anyone, the one who would pick a fight just because he could.

He hates that version of himself.

Then again, he hates the werewolf version of himself too.

In fact, it's very difficult to find a side of him he likes. This is perhaps the closest he's come to being completely happy with himself, and even then there are parts of him he wishes he could change. The very fact he could find it in him to hurt Caroline in this way, even for the purposes of saving her life, physically revolts him. He replays her body falling over and over, trying to find some sort of angle where it doesn't actually hurt to see it.

Later that night, as he tries to find the words to tell her why he's content with what he is, tries to beg her to understand and stand by him, he can see in her eyes that she will never understand. He hates the fact he's tethered to someone, hates the fact that his friends no longer seem to trust him, but he no longer has to transform, put himself through that pain again, and that's why he is okay with what he is.

"Tyler..."

He hears her bleak tone, sees the faint tinge of despair in her eyes, and knows what's coming.

"Right..."

"I - "

"Got it."

He turns and walks out.

They worked past the fact he betrayed her in her hour of need, worked past the fact she'd known what had really happened to his uncle Mason, worked past the fact she was a vampire and he was a werewolf. They worked past it all, because there'd always been a glimmer of hope there that things would get better, that they could _make _it better.

This time, there's no making it better.

If she can't see past the bad to find the good still pumping inside his body, stronger than a heartbeat, more enduring than anything else in his life, than he can't be with her.

They worked past everything else, so why can't they work past this?


	43. Denver

_#43_

_Denver_

**Summary: **Jeremy leaves Mystic Falls, but not without thinking there's something strange about this new desire to be safe. Short but sweet one-shot.  
**Spoilers for: **3x10 -11  
**Characters featured: **Jeremy.  
**Extract: **_"__He finds in moments of bleakness, their absence flairs up_ strongest…"  
**A/n: **I know Damon compelled Jeremy not to think twice about Mystic Falls but I can't help but think he'd have some free will of his own in terms of his thoughts. As Jeremy himself once said, compulsion affects your mind not necessarily your feelings. Consider this slightly AU anyway.

X-X-X

As he settles in his seat on the plane, he takes the briefest of moments to think about what he's leaving behind.

It should be a no-brainer really, because as far as he's concerned the town he's leaving behind is filled with danger, so he should be embracing this opportunity to get out, to perhaps use his talents at drawing for something other than keeping himself distracted during those darker moments of his life.

But he misses Mystic Falls already – and its drama. He misses the familiarity of it all, how the blueprint of the town has been sketched into his mind pretty much since childhood. He knows all the best places to go when you don't want to be found – thanks to his stoner days – and all the best places to go when misery just overwhelms you, and you do, actually, want to be found.

He misses everyone, including his parents. He finds in moments of bleakness, their absence flairs up strongest, and he particularly finds himself thinking about his father, about how he, knowing Mystic Falls' dark history, would've dealt with everything, and whether he would've run away like this.

Because that's exactly what this feels like – running away.

He scratches his head, trying to work out what it is that is missing from this picture. This is what he wants. He's tired of living on the edge all the time, tired of all the supernatural drama he's had to cope with. This is a good thing, isn't it?

The fact he's doubting everything tells him maybe there's something deeper at work here, but until he figures it out, perhaps it is better for him to leave, better to set off for a world which isn't constantly on the fringes of something fundamentally dark and evil.

He pictures normality; it isn't without its own dramas, but at least each day that goes by ends fairly peacefully. He can see himself lying back at night, drifting off to sleep, actually catching the hours of rest his body needs, perhaps the sounds of traffic lurking in the background somewhere.

He doesn't know Denver that well, only that his best shot at creating a new start for himself lies there.

And yet, despite all that, he can't help feeling like this isn't the right choice for him - if, and this is a dangerous thought to let linger in his already conflicted mind, it was even a choice at all.


	44. Hope

_#44_

_Hope_

**Summary: **Lexi and Stefan have that inevitable conversation about love and cement their friendship.  
**Spoilers for**: -  
**Characters featured:** Stefan and Lexi.  
**Extract:** _""All I need you to promise me, Stefan, is that no matter how bleak you feel life gets, no matter how unbearable you feel your life is, I want you to keep fighting. It's all I ask."  
_  
X-X-X

It's just after Lexi teaches him how to separate the anger from the rage (which inevitably leads to ripper-style activities) that they find themselves discussing a topic he never thought he'd be discussing with her.

After a vigorous session of detoxing himself – whereupon she used actual restraints to stop him lunging after every thing possessing a steady heartbeat, like he was some kind of animal – they sit and watch the stars, up on some hill tucked away from civilisation.

He kneads his fingers between the blades of grass, averts his eyes aware from her prying stare, and breathes deeply, relieved not to have his head flooded with the sounds of beating hearts and erratic breaths. He relishes the clean night air, more than joyful at the fact there is no life nearby for perhaps miles.

"The stars are incredibly bright tonight," Lexi comments, gazing upwards, tracing patterns with them using her fingers. "I cannot remember if that is a good omen or not."

"After the day we've had?" He leans back, ignoring the damp. "I'd say it was a bad one."

"Oh, you would complain after making progress," she snorts derisively. "I think you possess the willpower, you just don't believe in yourself enough to want to change."

He stares at her, but chooses not to comment.

She's right about one thing – the stars are unusually bright.

He picks one out in particular, located just to the west. It's a loner star, not clustered in a group like all the rest seem to be, and what makes it stand out is not the fact it shines the brightest, but rather it seems to feebly flicker, almost like it's trying to shine but failing to match the standards its brothers and sisters have set.

He watches it carefully, wondering if stars struggle as well as everything else in the universe seems to do. Considering the star is an icon for success, it fills him with some kind of warmth to know nothing in the universe is born perfect; everything seems to strain to be what it's supposed to be, and he can relate.

"What are you thinking about?" Lexi enquires, noticing his distant look.

"Life. Love. Everything," he explains vaguely.

"That's specific," she snorts.

He glances at her.

"I'm just wondering if I can change, if I can really become the person I want to be more than anything else. I regret my choice, Lexi, but it's more than that. I regret forcing my brother to make the same choice as I did. I was selfish, and because of that I've lost him forever." He looks at his hands. "I'm beginning to think I have developed this habit of driving away the things I love from me forever."

"Not true," Lexi insists, moving closer to him. "You've yet to drive me away."

"I don't love you though. You're annoying, pushy, and I more often than not entertain the notion of driving a stake through your heart," he grumbles, grinning softly to show her he is jesting.

"Ah, well, you love me like a sibling then," she counters, smiling.

He ducks his head, a wave of uncertainty washing over him. He is tired of feeling like this, tired of trying to pretend to be something he's not, and maybe it shows on his face, because Lexi's next words seem to directly correlate with his train of thought.

"You're not worthless, Stefan. You might think you are, and there is no denying you have done some terrible things, but that's the beauty of starting over – letting everything you did in the past stay in the past."

"They won't stay in the past, Lexi. That's the problem," he tells her, his eyes flooding with this deep sadness he knows he will never fully be free of.

"Maybe not," she backtracks, trying a different approach. "But one day you'll find someone who will not care what you did in the past. That girl, woman, will one day sit where I'm sitting now, and tell you the exact same things I'm saying. She will tell you that she doesn't care what you did in the past, because it's in the past not the present. She'll tell you things she's done in the past she isn't proud of, and she will tell you that love doesn't mind the things it should mind, but continues to exist regardless. She will kiss you, hold you tight, and remind you that there are dark and terrible things in this world, but there will always be goodness and light, and you are both of those things."

"Dark and terrible?" he repeats, his brow furrowing.

"No. You are good and you are filled with _light, _Stefan," she insists. "You were good when you were human. I see no reason why that has to disappear just because you're a vampire."

"But I - "

"You'll find someone one day who'll do a better job at convincing you there is still hope for you, I'm sure," she interrupts, smiling wistfully at him. "Until you start to believe that for yourself, there's not really much I can do except keep saving you when and where I can."

"And you're going to keep doing that? For as long as it takes?" he says, the doubt evident in his voice.

"Of course," she replies earnestly, tilting her head to one side, smiling brightly. "You told me Damon made a promise to give you an eternity of misery, right? Well, I'm here to promise to give you an eternity of friendship, if you'll have me." She holds up a hand before he can talk, adding, "This is not to be taken lightly. This will involve me kicking your behind into gear, if I think so, and I make no guarantees about what I will or will not do to bring you back from the edge, only that I will not let you down."

"And what can I promise you in return? I'm not stable enough to promise you the same."

"Like I'd need_ you_ to pull me from the edge," she teases, laughing boisterously. "All I need you to promise me, Stefan, is that no matter how bleak you feel life gets, no matter how unbearable you feel your life is, I want you to keep fighting. It's all I ask."

He smiles – sincerely, for once – and takes her hand in his, squeezing it the once before letting it go.

"I promise, Lexi."

"Good," she says, relaxing, directing her eyes back towards the stars.

He does the same, noticing the star he'd spotted earlier had stopped flickering. It shines with an adequate glow, not quite as bright as the others, but it at least (for the moment) seems to have stopped struggling.

Maybe there's hope for him after all.


End file.
